Do you often get stuck in boring conversations with women that lead nowhere?
Or worse, where she’s actually almost silent, looks confused, and you have to do all the talking?
Sorry to break it to you but if that’s something you constantly experience in your approaches, chances are YOU are the one causing the problem.
See, it’s totally normal that some girls are shy and need time to open up and engage back…
But that should happen within the first five minutes of talking.
Once she realizes you’re a chill, charming guy and feels comfortable in your presence, commonly, woman will naturally invest and contribute to keeping the conversation going.
And that’s when most guys out there predictably mess up.
Overly excited that a hot girl is talking to them and impatient to score, they start doing too much instead of focusing on the one thing that is proven to yield the best results:
Give her space, slow down, ask good questions and shut up and let her talk.
Most inexperienced guys, pepper her with irrelevant questions, cut her off, stumble over their words and as a consequence, she quickly loses interest and turns into the speechless, stone-faced female creature every seducer knows.
If you’re looking to prevent that from happening again and start having better, sexier, and more intriguing conversations with women that actually lead to dates, make sure to watch my latest video below.
In it, I break down the four most common conversation mistakes guys make that turn women off.
P.S. Want to work with me in person to get past most beginner mistakes within hours (and not years) and rapidly start getting more dates and adventures with beautiful women?
Then join me and the full TNL team including Alex, Shae, Virag, and Gareth Jones this summer from Aug 29th-Sep 4th, in Barcelona, Spain, for our last andmost popular Residential Workshop of the year.
Seven days of intensive coaching, theory masterclasses to access the latest insights and discoveries on what actually works with women, inner game sessions to unleash authentic confidence & charisma, roleplay workshops to practice every concept in a safe space with our team of hot female assistants and, most importantly, dozens of hours of approaching gorgeous women in the streets, cafès, parks, and beaches of the Catalan capital while getting constant 1-on-1 feedback from the coaches.
Only four spots left as the workshop is already 50% sold out.
To learn more about this training opportunity and see if it’s right for your goals, click on the link below and get on a free introduction call with our student success team:
It’s been two very intense and action-packed weeks in the Catalan capital, working with several clients daily to make impressive breakthroughs in their dating and social results.
The main takeaway?
It’s often the thing we resist the most that we need the most.
I see it happen all the time with my students.
Guys who are highly motivated to change their seductive situation, who promptly invest serious amounts for hiring me as their coach for a few days, travel hundreds of miles to work with me personally…
The truth is that meeting new women in real life is a lot more complicated than it looks on camera.
It takes a lot of balls and willpower to initially push through the veils of limiting beliefs society enforces on us.
From a young age, we are taught to avoid talking to strangers and settle for a small comfort bubble of friends we meet in school, through hobbies, or in the office.
If you want to become great with women, you need to ignore all that nonsense.
And realize that the world truly is your playground. You can do what you want, meet who you want. No limits.
Of course, getting good at this also requires a strong dose of empathy.
Women, unfortunately, are not always approached by cool, respectful guys with good game and intentions. Some individuals out there like to cat-call and make girls feel uncomfortable.
But do not let this fear of disturbing her prevent you from taking action.
In the end, women love to be approached by the right guy.
It’s the ultimate Hollywood fantasy: meeting a sexy stranger on the bus to the office or randomly in the street.
To learn how to become such intriguing stranger and confidently get over most triggers and mental blockages men experience when starting day game, watch my latest video linked below
P.S. Want to work with Alex, James, and the rest of the team to learn how to constantly access new streams of hot women and finally build the dating life you deserve?
Then check our upcoming workshop dates for Summer 2022:
We still have a couple of spots left for our four-day Intensive in Barcelona, Spain, running from Aug 23rd-Aug 26th, as well as for our 7-day Residential program from Aug 29th-Sep 4th.
This is your chance to get access to several days of advanced coaching, spend dozens of hours infield meeting women, participate in exclusive masterclasses with guest coaches, roleplay sessions with our team of female model instructors, and a lot more.
To figure out what’s the best program for you and reserve your spot before everything goes sold out within the next week:
Alternatively, if determined to work with me individually as your coach and spend three days together going through an extremely-customized and elite curriculum tailored to your needs only, you can apply for my 1-on-1 private workshop HERE
After four very intense years in the dating industry, coaching hundreds of guys live every other week, I can confidently reveal to you something most guys don’t want to admit..
The average man in 2022 is severely limited in the way he meets hot women.
It’s just a fact.
To put it in investment terms, most guys often keep all their eggs in one basket instead of strategically diversifying their profit streams.
The problem is that to thrive in something so unpredictable and irrational as dating, you must have a variety of options.
It’s very unlikely you’ll get into bed with every single hot girl that comes into your life. If you don’t have plan B ready when a woman you just approached rejects you or flakes on you before the date, you’re set for a lot of unwanted celibacy and waiting around.
To deal with this, many guys try their luck in the biggest meat market available in recent years: dating apps.
The lure of apps like Tinder or Bumble is hard to resist.
Hundreds of sexy and single partners who are just a swipe away from you.
It’s a strong illusion of abundance that keeps men glued to their screens hoping to finally get a match.
But that’s all it is: an illusion.
Swiping right on dozens of girls per day does not guarantee you the level of dating success that approaching just a handful of women in real life does. In most cases, you won’t get anything out of it.
Truth is that the Tinder algorithm is rigged, and unless you are part of the 1% of model-looking people on this planet, it’s a very precarious and ineffective way to build an epic dating life.
A much better, field-tested, and overall my personal favourite to get dates online is just using Instagram.
This is not an online cold-approach funnel of any kind. I strongly recommend against DMing random hot girls hoping to strike a conversation.
What IG is truly effective for is keeping in touch and solidifying connection and attraction leading to a date.
Many hot girls you talk to in person might be hesitant to give their number away to a stranger, but that’s no case with social media like Instagram. For most women, it’s no big deal.
And once you have several beautiful women who follow you and engage with your content, guess what you also have?
That’s right! Dating options.
If you want to learn more about using Instagram to get dates in 2022, watch my latest video below:
P.S.Want to learn more on how to get tons of dates online thanks to Instagram and social media? I’ve created a FREE 3-part online course teaching you the basics of digital seduction. Get access to it HERE
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7 ways to tie women up (& stop being boring in bed)
The world is filled to the brim with high-quality women, many of whom got both the looks and the brains you’re looking for.
Unfortunately, many guys still tend to typecast women into two categories: hot party girls and less attractive but more trustworthy girlfriend material types.
That creates a scenario where settling for a not-so-exciting and average partner is justified and encouraged because ‘at least she’s loyal and well-educated’.
Throughout my fifteen-year-long career as a men’s coach, I’ve seen countless guys exploiting concepts such as ‘intelligence’ or ‘personality’ to rationalize why they could not get hotter, sexier women.
The reality is that there are tons of great girls out there who could match your physical, intellectual, and emotional needs…
…if you dared to meet them.
The sooner you start to interact and approach girls you genuinely like and are attracted to, the faster you’ll discover that many of them have a lot to offer outside of their mere physical attributes.
To learn more about this topic, watch my latest video linked below. In it, you will witness one of my brave workshop students smoothly approaching and seducing a stunning yet very nerdy Ukrainian girl. Talk about the perfect mix…
Hit the link below to watch it:
P.S.Want to work with me personally in 2022 to learn how to attract, go on epic dates and create relationships with your dream type of girl?
Running from May 9th-May 15th, 2022, I’ll be personally leading a week-long intensive live workshop in Budapest that will provide you with a lifetime worth of tools and strategies to effortlessly meet and seduce new high-quality girls––as well as tons of opportunities to practice them firsthand in real life during the program.
To learn more about the Intensive and its unique daily coaching schedule, click on the link below to speak with the enrollment team:
There are 2 main areas of education that are completely overlooked by all formal and cultural teaching systems for the modern man. The irony being that these two fields are the ones that are most likely to determine your success and fulfillment. The first is money.
Unless you were born into wealth, or find mentors and methods to understand how to make your resources work for you, develop positive mindsets and know the difference between investments and liabilities, you are likely to be a wage slave forever. I’ll be dealing with this topic in depth another time.
The second is social skills and seduction. The ability to connect emotionally, understand human behavior and particularly how to release and consistently generate attraction with women is the defining skill that leads to either a rich sex & relationship life or long periods of enforced celibacy and loneliness.
Many men who have come into the seduction sphere treat this as a hobby, or a topic of interest. As if, getting good at this is optional and if they choose not to commit to mastering approaching women outside their social circles that they will somehow end up finding “the one” anyway. Wake up. Most people settle for relationships that are based on scarcity. They date directly within their social and work/study circles. The reality is that you will be choosing from a pool of around 3- 15 women. What is the chance that you’ll find a sexy girl who is truly compatible with you from that? Even if she drifts into your orbit, without the understanding of female sexual psychology and abilities to trigger it you won’t get her anyway and will spend years in the friend zone.
Who you decide to spend long periods with and later who you marry and have children with are literally the most important decisions of your life. Choosing the wrong person, or conducting a relationship from a weak, needy position will lead to divorce, losing most of your assets, fucking your kids up and wasting your peak years.
And yet, most people don’t make these decisions at all. They fall into relationships because that is the best they can find and simply let fate decide. If you have been dabbling in seduction, consuming theory from the sidelines, or occasionally chatting to women, now is the time to wake up and realize that this is a survival skill you must learn and time is running out.
Most men I know who became really good at this, made it a priority for a couple of years, or sought out mentors to speed up the process. By good, I don’t mean any particular number of lovers, or becoming a PUA god - I mean being able to get exactly the type of women you want into the relationship you want. That for me is the definition of seductive success. Take an honest look at your life and if you know deep down you can’t do that, it’s time to commit.
Don’t act like her boyfriend if you don’t want to get a girlfriend
I want to address the common misconception that “all” women want relationships all of the time, particularly as soon as they start sleeping with a guy. First of all- this is an incorrect assumption and also a very negative and misleading mindset to have.
A lot of guys I coach often ask me:
“Why is it when I sleep with a girl she always wants to be my girlfriend soon after?”
“Why do all women just want a relationship as soon as they start sleeping with a guy?”
“How do I encourage a girl to start an open relationship with me?”
“How do I make sure it stays casual?”
Have you asked yourself this? Does this sound familiar?
I’ve realised through my interactions with clients that these are common mindsets. We need to address this and look at why men believe this and what can they do to readjust their mindsets. From what I have witnessed with many guys I coach, more often than not it’s that their own behaviour mimics that of a boyfriend (not a casual lover) therefore confuses the woman that they want a relationship. It’s important to define the relationship and the role you play in her life from the very beginning.
Men, you are creating more problems for yourself and shaping women into roles they don’t want to play. If you don’t want to get a girlfriend then don’t act like her boyfriend! Firstly, lets address this misconception and start by readjusting your beliefs and mindsets into something more positive and truthful.
Change your mindset
Your first mistake is the mindset that all women want relationships. Let go of this dated and incorrect assumption. Realise that women want a range of different relationships, depending on their age, mood time in their life- endless factors. A woman may be looking for a casual fling one month, then meet a guy a year later and desire a relationship with him. There are endless women longing to be seduced by that dashing lover or to have a wild summer fling; be that man that can offer her that experience.
Don’t screen for women looking for relationships
If you find yourself “dodging” being a boyfriend, then you need to know now its because you’re screening for and attracting women who want you to be her boyfriend. Without realising it, you may be unconsciously screening for behaviours and mindsets you don’t want. Starting casual relationship with a lover, but having the negative mindset that “she must want to be my girlfriend” is a really negative way to begin the relationship. Create the role and archetype as her casual lover internally from the very beginning.
Be clear and talk about it
There’s no need to call out your relationship status in the beginning. Being overly honest can be inappropriate. But once its clear you guys are seeing each other for some time, it will be important to discuss where you’re at. If she asks, or if you want to state it, be clear that you see your relationship with her as casual. Saying things like “I really like spending time with you. I’m not looking for an exclusive relationship, but I really enjoy what we have” can help. Ignoring it or lying is not going to help you.
Don’t behave like a boyfriend
How many times have I heard a guy say “I don’t know why my casual lover seems to want to make it more serious” and then I find out he is texting her 4 times a day and spending time with her 3-4 nights a week. Just like a boyfriend. Don’t ACT like her boyfriend if you don’t want to get a girlfriend!! It’s confusing for a woman and misleading.
Lovers and flings behave very differently than men in relationships.
Your behaviour communicates what you want, so start reframing your mindsets and behaviours to that of the casual fling or lover in her life.
Here’s some common “boyfriend” behaviours a guy may exhibit:
Texting too often (every day is too much!)
Involving the girl in part of his social circle too often
Planning for the future
Dirty weekends away vs Spending 24hrs straight at your place.
Yes, have sexy weekends away with each other every now and then.
However snuggling & videos at each others house every weekend is falling into relationship territory- don’t do anything in a routine.
Let a girl know separate time is both your own business– you don’t have to explain your whereabouts- it’s not ok to ask or check up on each other.
Indulging in emotional roleplays that you can’t follow through with. It’s unfair and misleading for the woman.
When you part ways from each other- don’t start planning for the next time you see each other (like you do in a relationship) simply say “See you soon.”
Play the dashing lover
Internalise this role. Start experimenting with this lifestyle. How is this different that a man in a relationship?
A lover is in a woman’s life irregularly. He’s the guy who she has a wild time with one weekend, but then they don’t see each other all week. He is not in constant contact with her and they don’t know every detail of each other’s lives. He is more likely to send dirty texts than sweet emotionally comforting ones.
Start experimenting with the roles you play in women’s lives and start internalising them so they become part of you. Consistency is vital.
Get into the mindset of playing the dashing lover or the summer fling. Explore these roles and the behaviours and lifestyles associated with them. Taking on these roles allows you to be more honest with yourself and with the women in your life. Your behaviour will be communicating what you really want and be thus in alignment with your mindsets. This way you will begin to screen for and thus seduce women with similar mindsets who are looking for the same type of casual relationships that you are.
The art of reading signals, why it’s ok to fuck up and what’s an “Indicator of Interest” really?
Understanding ‘Indicators of Interest’
Have you ever noticed a girl checking you out?
Maybe she makes eye contact from across the room, then averts her gaze when she sees you looking back.
Or she starts innocently twirling her hair as you’re talking to her, planting a hand on your arm and laughing WAY too hard at a joke that wasn’t that funny.
And you think “man, this girl is SO into me”.
In the old school pick-up lingo these are called ‘indicators of interest’.
But now, something that begun as a loose terminology for a set of behaviours which may or may not be signs that a woman is interested have have been blown WAY out of proportion.
Are indicators of interest real? Do women really give signals? And if so, how do you read them to know that you have a shot with her?
I often say that ‘perfect practice makes perfect’, which trumps the old adage that ‘practice makes perfect’. As an example, if you’re learning guitar and decide to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’ for an hour each day for 10 years, you’ll probably be really good at playing that one song but not be good at anything else.
The more effective way to learn is to practice scales, develop correct finger placement and improve your picking technique, because in order to get good at something you need to know how to practice it in a way that will develop the fundamentals.
Yet still, this can be misunderstood. Anyone with a perfectionist mindset (yes, I’m talking to you!) will obsessively seek out the perfect way of doing things before ever actually getting in any practice.
The Extraordinary Art Of Fucking Up
What comes before perfect practice is imperfect practice, which in layman's terms means fucking up.
A lot.
Even if a woman is giving you signals, it really doesn’t mean anything unless you take action. She could be ready to go back to your place after a mere 5 minutes of small talk, but unless you actually approach her and then pull the trigger it’s never going to happen.
How do you know the right time to do these things? Like I said, by making mistakes. When I was first starting out I knew what it was I had to do, whether it was escalating or inviting her upstairs, but what I didn’t have down were the more nuanced details like timing, logistics, and understanding her mindsets.
After experiencing this period of ‘beginner’s hell’ myself, then learning I wasn’t the only one to have such a hard time starting out, I decided to do something about it. To save you the pain of having to learn seduction the hard way, without any insight or clues on what to do as a beginner, I’ve put together a 3 week course called the Dating Accelerator. You’ll be learning from me and other coaches here at the Natural Lifestyles everything we wished we had known starting out, from tackling approach anxiety to making sure you don’t run out of things to say. Learn more about the course and what’s included by clicking here.
So sure, it can be nice to get attention from women here and there, but I’d say it’s not worth waiting for her to give a signal before taking a risk.
The better alternative is to just assume that she is interested in you. This mindset means that you’re always making a forward action, and awaiting her response. Unless she’s making it clear that it’s not going anywhere by saying she’s not interested, it’s perfectly ok to believe everything is going well.
(...and by the way, this means respecting her boundaries. If she clearly says no, it means no. Period.)
The alternative is to have a negative mindset, and fueling any kind of anxiety or worry or doubt is only going to make you miss out on opportunities.
Lastly, keep in mind that some women can fire off more signals than any man could keep up with yet only be interested in flirting and ‘living life’, whilst other women will never express a single notion of interest yet gladly go home with you as long as you ask.
So stop waiting around for the ‘perfect’ opportunity and start taking risks. Dare to fail. It will pay off in the long run, I promise.
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One Simple Hack That Will Revolutionize How You Talk To Women
Did you ever experience a very strong connection with a cute girl you just met only to have her dragged away from you by her jealous group of friends?
What’s up guys!
Alex here:)
Did you ever experience a very strong connection with a cute girl you just met in a bar or out on the street…
…only to have her dragged away from you by her jealous group of friends?!
Whenever I coach guys on how to approach and date stunning girls they meet on the street at one of our workshops the topic of dealing with more than one woman at a time always draws a lot of resistance from the students. When there’s an opportunity to approach a group of ladies the students either start making excuses not to approach, or, they dive right in ignoring anyone else but the girl they are interested in with the same result mentioned above:/
It took me four years to understand this! The truth is that when I approach a girl who is part of a group my results are often better if I also interact with the rest of the group than if I approach and just talk to the girl while ignoring her friends.
Why? Because women care about the opinions of their friends, they’re very sensitive to their perceived status and if a friend endorses you, she’s much more likely to follow up.
So how can you do it too?
First, next time you approach a girl with a group of people, do not just focus all of your energies on the girl or try to quickly ´´isolate´´ her from her friends. She will always choose them above you. Instead, be very aware of the group dynamics and think about seducing the group as a whole.
Now, here comes the tricky part…
When I talk about seducing the entire group, often guys will start to flirt with all her girlfriends, creating a very confusing atmosphere in which no girl will understand who you are interested in. The student will believe he’s doing a great job but when he later tries to make a move on the girl he wants she will probably reject him, as she feels the pressure of being chosen all of a sudden.
The good news is that the best way to go about it is the most spontaneous one: flirt with the girl you like and just be friendly to the others.
That’s it!
Do not try to get to know her friends too much, just communicate with them enough so that they understand that you’re a cool guy with good intentions. Not always, but often, her friends will turn from a potential cock blocker, to your ally. It takes courage to approach a woman, especially in front of her friends. I’ve seen women say that many times to guys and also seen them leave a guy alone with their friend once they see you’re into each other. (Or not, but that’s another story…)
Do you know how to ask for what you want? Or do you do nice things and hope people (women specifically) will realize your needs and give them to you? If someone cuts in line or a waiter is rude to you, do you apologize, deflect and stay silent? When a girl you’re dating contradicts you or makes fun of your passion in public, do you let it slide or do you sit her down for a talk? The answer to these individual examples is all encapsulated under the principle of directness.
For a long time, an argument has divided men in the seduction community…
“When approaching women is it better to go DIRECT or INDIRECT?”
A Harsh Truth
Right now most of the world is under some kind of social distancing measures to avoid the spread of the novel coronavirus COVID 19 so no one is approaching anybody. So while we’re all on the bench, it’s a good time to dissect the way you used to relate to women in pre-corona days. And, just as importantly, it’s a good time to start making changes internally so that when you come out of the lockdown cocoon you won’t waste any more of your life. Yes, I am telling you that you have wasted large parts of your life so far. We all did in some ways; spending months or years in toxic relationships, dead-end jobs, addictions, depression, living for other people’s expectations, worrying about things that may never happen. The question is, how much did you waste? A few months, a year in total? We can live with that level of regret. 5 years, 10 years… That is huge chunks of your adult life you can’t get back.
How do I define waste? Were you enjoying your life, were you doing the things you wanted and were you with the people you wanted to be with in healthy, mutually respectful and pleasurable relationships? If the answer for long periods is no then that time was wasted. The truth is if that is a fact for you and you don’t change your internal patterns and external behaviour you will keep wasting big, priceless blocks of your life. I have to be blunt, none of us have any more time for living in denial, distraction or ignorance. It’s time to wake the fuck up.
Don’t ‘do’ direct, ‘be’ direct
Now, where was I…back to seduction technicalities:) When thinking about directness a lot of guys assume that it boils down to walking up to an attractive girl and telling her she’s hot. That is one example of an expression of a direct person but it isn’t directness in the bigger sense. How do I, James Marshall, the biggest supporter of direct game rights in the world, define good direct seduction? Ultimately, approaching women directly just means being honest and expressing why you like them and decided to meet them, versus, for example,"asking for directions" and hoping to covertly attract them in the process.
That’s really it. 10 years of TNL teachings, in a nutshell, presented to you for free. The biggest problem, however, that most of our students face when following this advice, is that they often copy-paste my lines into what they say with the result of being uncalibrated and creeping the girl out, or worse, getting ignored. The words I say aren’t magic, they have no power at all. It is the direct man delivering them, or whatever variation feels natural for him, that makes the difference. If you have been struggling with this in the past, the first thing you need to realize is that…
Directness is not an opener
What I mean by that is that you cannot transition from being a very reserved, non-confrontational, wallflower type of guy for most of your life to a fearless seducer just by using one line. Directness is an attitude, a way of living. It’s not something that you have to do in order to get the girl. Rather, it’s the way you approach life, as a man who knows what he wants from it (or at least is on the resolute path to find out).
So how can you develop this trait more without sounding fake or offending people around you? First, start with small steps. Remember, it is all about developing the habit of expressing what you truly desire without too many filters. Next time someone asks your opinion on something, just tell him what you think and don’t worry about being rude. See what it’s like to have a debate, to disagree, to point out the flaw in an argument. Second, learn to embrace the idea of positive confrontation. I’m not suggesting you go out in the street and start a fight with the grocery store clerk, but that when you’re not happy with the way someone is treating you, you just point it out to them and have a constructive conversation about the issue. Third, for a deeper dive into this book a constructive conversation with one of our online coaches and start developing your ability to be direct and get what you want without trampling others and being a dick.
Peace,
James
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Looking For A New Girlfriend? Don’t Make These Mistakes
