21st May 2020
James Marshall

Surrounded by people you don’t resonate with?

(even when you’re on a date?)

What do we teach our clients?

The truth is that most of our clients are not hard cases, not socially awkward virgins, but normal guys with decent careers and often experience in some type of romantic relationships. Even though they experienced some success in their dating lives they still feel they lack the quality they have always dreamed of. They want the freedom not to settle for an average girl who has little to offer them but who was convenient to date because there were no other options. Guys who take our workshops develop the social freedom to be able to confidently approach the real girl of their dreams instead in a café or in the street. Of course, the foundation of this ability to exercise freedom is always a healthy relationship with yourself, and that’s something that will inevitably be challenged as part of the workshop. Thoughts, emotions and physical sensations will be something to go through but I’ve always seen it come back to whether a man can show a woman that he doesn’t need her but want her and have the confidence and competence to really show that he wants to connect with her and do it successfully. That’s what we teach our clients.

Another advantage to doing a TNL workshop is, of course, access to the TNL online community, which, after 14 years of workshops in Australia, Europe and the U.S., is extensive. More importantly, that community is made up of guys who not only understand but actively practice what they learn with TNL, and so is the best place to find accountability, feedback and encouragement. Participants on TNL workshops receive guidance on how to build social networks like the TNL crew from the coaches, as well as through connecting with other guys on the course. The workshop gives you the chance to learn how to create social circles that are more than just your colleagues from the office as buddies as you develop the ability to seek out and interact with like-minded, challenging, inspiring, supportive guys on their path to self- improvement.

A TNL workshop is a unique transformative experience

It’s hard to explain how deeply the change process goes in a few words. Our coaches work with you to develop your ability to self-coach and we use specialised drama role-play exercises to develop your ability to express your intent, have an engaging conversation and calibrate with touch. The core TNL curriculum only fits into a four-day program of eight hours per day and that’s why it’s our shortest group workshop. If you’re looking to dramatically develop your ability to interact with women, develop your confidence at a core level, and most importantly, get all the tools to design a lifestyle of your choice, join us on one of our upcoming 4–day residential...

Truth is, like I’ve said before, you’re really potentially only one approach away from meeting your next great lover, girlfriend, etc. The important thing is to learn how to make that approach matter;)

Peace,

James

The Naturals Assemble!

23rd May 2020
James Marshall

The Naturals Assemble!

Things have changed

Ask any of the dozens of guys who remained unanswered in her DMs…

Or you might be feeling disappointed by a lifestyle and social circle that doesn’t match your ambitious expectations. In a world full of life coaches where can you find a group of real leaders who live out their principles in seduction, lifestyle design and inner game and can share their valuable perspectives on these areas. At the same time it can be hard to find people who are like-minded in their willingness to think outside of the box with life, guys who know that it’s good to approach women, guys who expect more out of life, potential collaborators and wingmen.

So how do you stay ahead of the curve and get really good at all of this, once and for all?

These are the kinds of problems our sell-out annual tribal gathering known as the Masculine Mastermind Conference engages with. This unique 3-day event gives you the rare opportunity to meet and greet the entire TNL team and join a powerful worldwide brotherhood of positive men. Whether you’re a beginner taking your first steps in seduction and you’re looking for the freedom to approach any woman you want in any situation, or you’re an intermediate or higher level guy struggling to achieve consistency of results and become surrounded by the top 5% of people. Our incredible team of coaches and guests, whose combined seduction and lifestyle enhancement experience exceeds over 100 years, will help you to find your own roadmap and action plan to keep developing yourself. The MMC has taken place the past three years in Budapest, Hungary. This year the usual date has been pushed forward due to the COVID 19 crisis and has been scheduled for September 25th to 27th. One attendee described the conference as “an opportunity to learn more in 3 days than in the past 3 years of my life”.

Do not waste further time with outdated concepts and gift yourself an upgrade in the way you experience life. 2020 is the year.

How to Make Her Friends Love You

22nd May 2020
alex

How to Make Her Friends Love You

Did you ever experience a very strong connection with a cute girl you just met only to have her dragged away from you by her jealous group of friends?

It took me four years to understand this! The truth is that when I approach a girl who is part of a group my results are often better if I also interact with the rest of the group than if I approach and just talk to the girl while ignoring her friends.

Why? Because women care about the opinions of their friends, they’re very sensitive to their perceived status and if a friend endorses you, she’s much more likely to follow up.

So how can you do it too?

First, next time you approach a girl with a group of people, do not just focus all of your energies on the girl or try to quickly ´´isolate´´ her from her friends. She will always choose them above you. Instead, be very aware of the group dynamics and think about seducing the group as a whole.

Now, here comes the tricky part…

When I talk about seducing the entire group, often guys will start to flirt with all her girlfriends, creating a very confusing atmosphere in which no girl will understand who you are interested in. The student will believe he’s doing a great job but when he later tries to make a move on the girl he wants she will probably reject him, as she feels the pressure of being chosen all of a sudden.

The good news is that the best way to go about it is the most spontaneous one: flirt with the girl you like and just be friendly to the others.

That’s it!

Do not try to get to know her friends too much, just communicate with them enough so that they understand that you’re a cool guy with good intentions. Not always, but often, her friends will turn from a potential cock blocker, to your ally. It takes courage to approach a woman, especially in front of her friends. I’ve seen women say that many times to guys and also seen them leave a guy alone with their friend once they see you’re into each other. (Or not, but that’s another story…)

Alex

How To Survive Beginner's Hell

23rd May 2020
James Marshall

How To Survive Beginner’s Hell

There’s a piece of truth few coaches talk about…

To become good at seduction you must accept that often, especially in your early years, it will be a very chaotic process.

What do I mean by that?

Many of our clients come from very analytical and mathematical backgrounds in which the most successful approach is the most logical and carefully planned out one. Things don’t work like that with women. When they begin one of our intensive workshops often guys can be overwhelmed with coming to terms with the randomness, paradox and imperfection of meeting and interacting with women in real life. It’s our job as coaches to hold a flexible framework for learning to allow our clients to learn to embrace and eventually surf the chaos. It does have a logic to it, but it’s more organic than mathematical, let’s put it that way.

That doesn’t mean that by working with us you won’t develop a large degree of control over the results that you can achieve, in fact, your seduction abilities will evolve beyond any expectations you might have. But the first step to getting there is to completely surrender to the fact that when we’re dealing with other human beings we can only exercise our influence over them to a certain extent. For example, you might go and talk to the same girl on two different days and get a very different response on each day because she’s in a bad mood, or a hurry or any other number of factors..

Same approach. Same girl. Opposite outcomes.

Or you might enjoy a great interaction, make her smile and giggle and take her number, but get completely ignored over text. Little did you realize that the pleasant polite chat you delivered didn’t arouse her desire for sexy chaos and adventure and so you slipped down the list of suitors. In this initial confusing phase of the seduction journey, many men get discouraged and quit, usually rationalizing why and making excuses for not learning how to master the chaos.

Under the right guidance, however, this “beginner's hell” can actually be a lot of fun. Instead of banging your head against a wall, you can learn to see that with every single failure comes many learning opportunities that will get you closer to your goals. Unfortunately, a lot of men will never get past the beginner stage. Figuring out how to do it by yourself is possible.

If you have the time to go out every single day and the willpower to approach women for hours, you might end up making it. However, if you’re looking for an accelerated experience that will teach you in 7 days what you might be able to learn by yourself in the next 7 years, book a free consultation call with us. One of our coaches will get in touch with you and assist you to develop a personalized curriculum program to help you achieve your dream lifestyle and break free from any plateaus you might be experiencing at the moment.

Peace,

James

You’re Not Boring!

24th May 2020
alex

You’re Not Boring!

How To Sound Cool Without Worrying What To Say

What's up guys? It´s Alex here.

Real quick, today I have a simple question for you…

“Do you ever see a very attractive girl walking past you in the street, but freeze completely at the idea of talking to her?”

If you’re anything like me when I was starting out with approaching, it’s probably a daily occurrence.

You certainly know what it feels like but do you know why this happens to you?

Often dating coaches have tried to explain “approach anxiety” as something connected to fear of rejection from the tribe, a response hardwired into us since ancient times. Other more spiritual kinds of gurus see it as a result of complex behaviour patterns formed in response to early childhood traumas. Some say it’s self-worth issues, others claim it’s society’s conditioning, some say the MeToo movement, etc...(you get the idea)

In my experience, the reason why you don’t go chat with beautiful girls on the street is much simpler.

You just don’t know what to talk about and you don't want to feel awkward in front of a total stranger. Fair enough. The great news is that with the right tools you can completely reverse this pattern in your life.

I want you to imagine the following scenario for one second…

You are walking in the shopping district on a crowded street in a big city on a very hot afternoon, and people are out enjoying the good weather. You can breathe life in the air, feel it on your skin, vibrant, almost electric, and you feel genuinely great about yourself.

All of a sudden you see her, your dream girl, hurrying towards you.

Your senses ignite. Time slows down.

She quickly turns in your direction, catching you looking at her and shyly looks away, walking past you.

You feel a burning sensation in your gut pushing you to run after her and tell her that she caught your attention and you just had to say hello. So you risk it, you go all in and express your interest to her. And for the first time in your life, you know exactly what to say… Words flow out of your mouth in the most spontaneous way and the two of you get to know each other and connect with one another more in 10 minutes than most people do in ten months. Then you agree to grab a coffee in the following days, she gives you her number and hugs you before saying goodbye.

Sounds like a dream come true?

Believe it or not, this is how a large percentage of my conversations on the street go nowadays. Even the very best get rejected, that’s always going to be the case, but for me, that roll of the dice pays off more than enough to keep bringing sexy sweet women into my life.

But it didn’t use to be like that…

In fact, I used to memorize lines and structures of other successful people and so-called gurus, hoping they would get me their same results. But it always came out sounding a bit weird and the girls could smell that I was trying to act like somebody I was not.

Until one day I decided to try the opposite way…

After learning James Marshall’s principle-based method, completely dropping the script, I saw my results skyrocket.

And here’s the exact formula I teach my students so you can do it too…

Next time you meet a girl just focus on 2 things:

Don’t try to impress her with your coolest achievements but focus on talking about what really makes you excited and passionate.

That’s it. Crazy right?

The connection that you create with a girl is much more about your individual energies and the entire vibe rather than what you specifically say or do. With this in mind, check out my infield videos and try to see if you can spot my 2-step formula in action. If you want to master the art of having interesting conversations, seducing girls in the street and overall improving your entire lifestyle in less than a week being personally coached by me and the TNL crew then you should join one of our 4-day intensive workshops.

Later,

Alex

How To Connect With Women By Being Yourself

24th May 2020
James Marshall

How To Connect With Women By Being Yourself

Perspectives from the TNL coaches

You know that feeling?

The summer of love and rainbows is over.

For most men, autumn is either a celebration of connection and mutual growth with the right woman or a cold realization that they settled for an average girl who was the safest option and whom they have nothing in common with. But what should you do if you find yourself falling into the latter, or worse you have no women in your life at all at the moment?

What do you do to get a really great woman into your life?

First, realize that you are surrounded by plenty of options on a daily basis, whether on your way to work, in the library, cafes or at the gym.

Second, go and talk to them.

But as our coaches know, you’re going to be taking this on from a number of levels.

If you’re anywhere like most guys when starting this, though, on one level you probably just feel very stifled at the idea of going to approach complete strangers and experiencing awkward conversations. In all these years of teaching seduction, running out of things to say is one of those common issues that we have to work on with most of our students. Usually a student is ‘running out of things to say’ because he is trying to find the right thing to say in some way, rather than just allowing the conversation to unfold and follow the process of the two of you getting to know each other.

Now, let’s say you’re one of those men that are humble enough to admit they need to learn from scratch how to approach the ladies and you’re willing to keep an open mind while going through the process. Then, the next question you might have is: how do I learn this? The solution most guys find is to ask for advice from their more successful peers or to go and attend courses with so-called “gurus”. Unfortunately, most of those people will only offer you small pieces of technical advice, telling what to do (hopefully they know) in certain situations and how to do it (usually based on only their own personal experience), but not explaining to you the why of the whole process. A surprising truth that I’ve learned by teaching seduction to men like you for more than ten years is that a technical toolkit of seduction skills that works for me will often not produce the same results for others. Once you internalize the five key principles that I have identified, as opposed to a grab bag of techniques, you can develop your own set of approaches to how you engage in these interactions.

What is truly next level is to find yourself a coach that will not only give you drills surrounding these principles and send you to talk to dozens of girls with some feedback, but one that will also be skilled enough to set you up as a self-directed learner. And by that, I mean teaching you to rely more on your natural intuition and less on external feedback to develop your seduction and social skills. A prime example of this teaching methodology is our Executive Coach and my dear friend Jonathan Thomsen with his Play philosophy, which is focused on a number of concepts including developing a sense of child-like wonder, learning through experimentation, using acting skills like improv and voice development and trying to remember the most important thing of all - to have fun:

A TNL workshop is a unique transformative experience. On one side it is a deep dive into your psyche to identify what is blocking you from enjoying meaningful connections with people and expressing your most natural masculine self with women. On the other, it’s a complete exploration of the TNL system of Natural Seduction, all while learning to implement this system in the real world, day and night. Some men, however, no matter how many beautiful women they date or how much wealth they accumulate, still have a sense of unworthiness and lack of purpose. If you’re one of them, the core issue is much less how to communicate with people but how you feel about yourself and how able you are to rally internal resources to be effective in the world, whilst being kind and nurturing to yourself. That’s why I created the Natural Warrior Training, to help men reconnect to their wild nature, heal old traumas, reclaim their manhood and truly express themselves on all levels.

TNL has always had a holistic approach to dating, approaching and all the aspects of lifestyle design and inner work that go with the process of becoming an empowered man who engages well with women and can build a dynamic and supportive social circle for himself. Each of the coaches brings a unique perspective and challenges you on far more than just the superficial level where technique-based seduction schools operate. TNL means principle-based learning, an attempt to understand the underlying core dynamics of the interaction between a man and a woman. TNL means Natural game in the fullest sense of the word, in that you are discovering and mastering yourself and your relationships with others on the deepest levels.

What do you do to get a really great woman into your life?

Develop yourself as a really great man and discover your true worth in the process.

She’s out there somewhere...

How To Go From Friend To Lover

25th May 2020
jonathan

How To Go From Friend To Lover

Do you want to know a secret technique that got me many telephone numbers?

Do you want to know a secret technique that got me many telephone numbers and beautiful women coming back to my place in the past 10 years?

It’s called asking for it.

Nowadays, I see lots of men investing countless hours in the pursuit of becoming better versions of themselves in order to attract females. They become passionate about self-growth, read dozens of books, start hitting the gym, start watching TNL YouTube videos, but still struggle to make a move on the girls they like and remain stuck in the uncomfortable place known as the friend zone.

If this is your case, fear no more because today I’m going to help you end this platonic cycle of relationships and transition into real dating. Now, If I had to point the #1 issue causing this friend zone epidemic, I’d probably say that you are waiting for overt signals from the girl before you feel comfortable expressing your interest in her. For example, you might spend an excessive amount of energy talking about things you have no interest in, agreeing and nodding enthusiastically. Or you keep skipping over topics on a surface level without applying any pressure, flirtation or heavy eye contact, hoping instead that she will magically fall for your Olympic-level interview skills. Eventually, she will see you as nothing more than a friendly stranger and she will be gone soon before you think about asking for her number. Or she’ll offer her friendly flakey Instagram to add you to her ever growing follower list.

So how can you end this pattern? First, next time, before you go and talk to a woman, take a deep breath and set your intentions. You’re not meeting her to become her friend but because you’re considering her as a possible romantic partner. Second, if you want her telephone number or to ask her out for a coffee at that same moment, just express it. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, because there isn’t one. Once you start doing this two things will begin to happen: some women will be attracted to you and look forward to seeing you again and others will reject you. What a wonderful outcome either way. You either get the date or you know you did your masculine job and there are no “what ifs” haunting you for days, weeks, months or even years after.

This is the brave moment in which your seduction journey truly begins. If you watch our students develop throughout a typical TNL workshop you’ll see them evolving from typical ‘nice guys’ struggling to stop girls on the street, to comfortably taking numbers of very attractive women after only three days of live coaching. Learning to express your masculine intent is something that usually takes a lot of time, but because we have excellent female role-play assistants to practice conversation frameworks, intent and touch drills with the students every day before they do it with strangers in the street, then they are able to accelerate in this area much more quickly. Using drama classes to develop a student’s skills in a safe environment where he can experiment and learn before he takes his new learning to the street is the most effective tool we’ve found to help our students speed up the process and learn how to express their desires in a matter of days.

If you’ve spent your whole life not being able to look a woman in the eye and ask her out on a date then you need to join one of our workshops. The shocking thing is that we find this inability to be direct about your sexual intent is very common. The hard truth is that a man will find it hard to get what he is unable to ask for, never mind the other important things like being able to calibrate, contribute to the conversation, challenge, qualify, make an emotional impact and exchange contacts and all that while smoothly making physical moves at the same time.

The great thing is that firstly, you have a choice, you can develop the courage and the ability to ask, and secondly, no matter how long you may have struggled with any of these abilities we have worked out how to teach them to you – see it as the class on dating you never got in high school. I used to teach high school drama classes and not only do I wish I was able to teach there what we at TNL teach, I think that we’ve all been let down by society because these key competencies have been ignored.

But you don’t have to ignore them.

See you in class!

Go well,

Jonathan

Trapped In A Purposeless Life?

26th May 2020
James Marshall

When a door closes… TNL Responds to COVID 19

If you want to know if it’s possible to lose all the progress you’ve accumulated in the past X months while approaching girls, give this article a read

March 22nd 2020. We are all living through very strange and unpredictable times and in the past couple of weeks, the world around us has changed dramatically. If you’re in Europe you’re probably undergoing some sort of nationwide domestic lock-down to prevent the further spread of COVID-19. Most likely you are confined to your home. If you’re in the U.S. or Australia you have a week or so but it looks likely you’ll be in the same situation soon, as will the rest of the world.

This state of life will likely last for a couple of months or maybe more. All of us will have our lifestyles restricted and for many this will be a lonely and difficult time. This will be a very challenging moment for many men like you, as you are forced to stay at home, put your seduction and lifestyle habits on hold, and decide what to do with your time – both the time locked inside and the time after. Most people I’m sure are questioning how well they lived their lives up to this point, how much they relished and took advantage of their freedom and what changes they need to make when the gates are unlocked.

Many men reached out to us asking what TNL plans to do in terms of workshops and coaching and how you can keep improving and developing in your journey of masculinity and self-growth from home. First things first, The Natural Lifestyles was born from and still operates primarily as a live coaching company. That means we travel year-round to a dozen countries to meet our students so that they can receive face-to-face coaching and learn the TNL method in a small group, intensive, setting. In our experience, this is the approach that yields the most lasting results in the shortest amount of time.

For now however we are forced to suspend all live coaching and events until it is deemed safe for people to mingle in public again. This means effectively TNL is closing down until the Corona virus crisis is over or managed effectively. We intend to start teaching live again, hopefully later this year but we will not put any staff or clients in danger, so we have to be sensible and wait this out. Of course this may well change but if we’re able to travel and so are you, we’ll be back on the streets. Although for the coming months we won’t be on the road, changing lives on the streets of the busiest cities in the world, we won’t be disappearing completely.

After a 72-hour crazy escape through eastern Europe, bouncing from Kiev to Budapest to Lisbon we finally arrived at my farm in Northern Portugal as the borders closed behind us. So now that leaves myself, Liam, Alex and Shae locked in on my property for at least a month, and maybe much longer. We’re prepped and supplied and going to use the time to build an organic permaculture farm and complete my retreat centre, ready for an epic Warrior Training once the world goes back to it’s new normal.

This also means that some of the world’s greatest minds on seduction, lifestyle engineering, internal metamorphosis and mastering & leveraging the digital swipe generation are in one house with plenty of time to kill and a whole lot of ranting to do. So expect lots of new content, podcasts and a killer new online academy launch in the coming weeks, where you’ll be able to get on weekly calls with me and the team to prep your mindsets, body and lifestyle survival plan for the inevitable reopening of planet earth.

The answer is yes you can. It has everything to do with how you use the seemingly infinite amount of time in your hands right now. You can choose to spend your quarantine days binging on Netflix, porn and junk food or you can make the best of what you have and practice meditation, inner game work, and physical activity to become stronger in a tough time like this. Right now all your favourite TNL coaches are locked down in cities and countryside around the world. Liam, Shae, Alex, Jon and Kurt are all available for private hourly coaching calls to work through your personal plan for capitalizing socially and personally on this challenging time.

Peace,

James

Will TNL Stop Teaching Seduction?

26th May 2020
James Marshall

Will TNL Stop Teaching Seduction?

Is “male-oriented dating advice” still relevant?

As you may know, we removed many of our old videos including: Infield pickup, movie roasts & #AskTheNaturals series from our YouTube channel, due to warnings about possible channel takedowns of seduction related material. In other words, online censorship is becoming increasingly stronger and more punishing towards the topic of “male-oriented dating advice”. Some of the more extreme PUA channels have already been deleted and there is a risk we will get caught up in the same purge.

After consulting with our marketing and PR team and after our biggest competitor called me to warn us of the dating coach armageddon (you can guess who it was)... we decided to stay on the safer side, in order to be able to keep releasing quality content for you on a weekly basis and not risk having our platform to communicate with you nuked. The great news is that we’re currently working on setting up an independent platform to eventually be able to release content without any limitations. Those videos will eventually be put back up, I’ll keep you posted.

Rest assured, The Natural Lifestyles is and will always be a natural seduction company. While our original purpose remains unchanged, we continue to innovate and deepen our teaching scope. After dedicating the past 12 years of my life to coaching thousands of men all over the globe how to achieve their dream dating life, I saw the same key issues occurring over and over again. It became clear that issues with approaching and seducing women are often symptoms of a deeper condition. The real reason why you don’t go and meet that cute girl you saw on the street, don’t quit an unfulfilling job, start a business and move abroad —the things you truly want to do— is because of an unsettling feeling of unworthiness. Sure, you may lack the technical skill set needed or the right advice, but these things can be learned fairly quickly (that’s what we do on every TNL seduction workshop).

The truth is, no matter how much wealth or outward success you try to accumulate to cope with it, you’ll never feel truly good about yourself unless you decide to dig deeper and come to terms with your shadow self. The parts of you that are scared, blocked, repressed or undeveloped. Having had to deal with these issues myself, I spent a big chunk of my adult life traveling the world to meet mentors and masters in different schools of human potential. Whether through shamanic ceremonies in the Amazon jungle, training Kung Fu in China, seeking business and sexuality mentors - my quest to understand my deepest (and sometimes ugliest) self has exponentially improved my life. The lessons and quests I went through, helped to secure my own sense of being and purpose to the point where most of the “external qualities” began to improve by themselves. Using this personal foundation, I spent the last 2 years designing a workshop that would bring together an unprecedented group of world-class mentors and effective teachings that contributed to my own success and self-growth. It’s called Natural Warrior Training. This is not a substitution for the very successful 4 and 7-day intensive workshops or the infamous 10-day Eurotour, rather an additional expansion of our system focused on deep, personal work. Currently, due to the COVID-19 outbreak, Natural Warrior Training and the rest of our live workshops are on hold. The regular schedule will resume once the apocalypse is over and it's safe to meet and mingle around in the streets again.

Hope this clears up any confusion. For now, stay safe, listen to real doctors, not laptop theorists. This will pass and life will go on. We should all be using this time to reflect on our regrets and make unshakeable vows to ourselves that once the doors open, we will not waste another day. Much love to you and your people.

Peace,

James

The True Cure for Approach Anxiety

27th May 2020
James Marshall

The True Cure for Approach Anxiety

Interviewing Zan Perrion

The Real Deal

When I started my own seduction journey in the early 2000s, most of the so-called dating ‘gurus’ were all advocating a very indirect and scripted way of interacting with women. Within this bunch of socially awkward dudes dressed in snake leather and talking about “HB 10s” and how to ”DHV” (if you don’t know you’re lucky), a man immediately got my attention as someone who immediately seemed like the real deal. His name was Zan Perrion and he was pioneering a method of connecting with women based on honesty and expressing one’s individual desire. In fact, Zan was one of the first few coaches to teach what became known as Natural Seduction.

As the years went by and TNL grew to be an élite coaching company worldwide, our paths crossed several times at international self-development conferences, and yet, we never had a good occasion to sit down and talk. Now, as a deadly pandemic is forcing most of us to take shelter and go monk mode for the next few months, I decided to finally reach out to Zan and invite him to be the next guest of the TNL lockdown podcast series. The interview was warm and wide-ranging. We discussed everything from the origins of the pickup community to the true cure for approach anxiety, from understanding social hierarchies to why I’ve never read a self-development book & how to 10x your learning, and from how to survive unfaithful partners & build a sense of worthiness to the fatherhood dilemma: when to settle for a family versus remaining an eternal free spirit.

What is the cure for ‘approach anxiety’?

I’m sure you’re dying of curiosity so I’ll say a little more about how to cure so-called approach anxiety. While you might benefit in the short term by pushing yourself outside of the comfort zone, the truth is that most times this irrational fear is just a symptom of something else…a poorly developed sense of self. Fix that and the majority of your social struggles will be gone in a blink. How? Like it or not, being confident and attractive is not something you can switch on and off at will. It’s not a static state and it’s not something you can “learn”. Confidence is the real time culmination of millions of choice points throughout your life. The bad news is that you can’t just do a confidence course, or a few days of self affirmations to change lifetime habits.

The good news is, they’re just habits: thoughts, feelings and actions you’ve repeated so many times they seem set in stone. By recognizing that true confidence will always fluctuate and that by making a dozen different decisions a day, you can very quickly reverse the spiral up. These habits are around meeting women for sure, but they’re also related to the social scene you roll in, your health, communication skills, emotional intelligence and sense of purpose. Are you daily actions creating powerful networks, boosting your health and emotional well-being? Or are you surrounded by toxic (or even just lazy) friends & colleagues, destructive habits and negative influences?

Beyond Seduction

As you can probably tell the discussion went well beyond seduction and I discovered that Zan and I have both made and continue to make seeking adventures and finding your true purpose the top of our priority lists. As we talked I realised that Zan and I were both inspired by the Beat poets, the group of American writers who went counter to the mainstream culture well before the hippies of the late 60s. On The Road by Jack Kerouac is probably the most famous novel produced by these writers and as I found out more and more about Zan I realised that we were both men who ven as boys had wanted something more from life and weren’t afraid to take the difficult and dangerous journey to get there, in fact, it was the road itself we were attracted to - for its characters, its raw emotion and the chance of seeing much more than what those around us were willing to settle for.

Of course I want you to go watch the video, but if you don’t then it’s this sense of adventure that I want to leave you with. I’m not suggesting that you need to jump onto a motorbike with a joint hanging out of your mouth and scream “Death or freedom!” as you take off into the sunset (although that sounds pretty cool doesn’t it?). The key thing you need to do in order to live life as an adventure is to learn to listen to your own intuition on where to explore and don’t let other people’s expectations get in the way.

I wish you well on the path.

Peace,

James

Surrounded by people you don’t resonate with?

What do we teach our clients?

A TNL workshop is a unique transformative experience