21st August 2018
alex

Do You Know How To Read A Woman’s Signals?

The art of reading signals, why it’s ok to fuck up and what’s an “Indicator of Interest” really?

Understanding ‘Indicators of Interest’

Have you ever noticed a girl checking you out?

Maybe she makes eye contact from across the room, then averts her gaze when she sees you looking back.

Or she starts innocently twirling her hair as you’re talking to her, planting a hand on your arm and laughing WAY too hard at a joke that wasn’t that funny.

And you think “man, this girl is SO into me”.

In the old school pick-up lingo these are called ‘indicators of interest’.

But now, something that begun as a loose terminology for a set of behaviours which may or may not be signs that a woman is interested have have been blown WAY out of proportion.

Are indicators of interest real? Do women really give signals? And if so, how do you read them to know that you have a shot with her?

I often say that ‘perfect practice makes perfect’, which trumps the old adage that ‘practice makes perfect’. As an example, if you’re learning guitar and decide to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’ for an hour each day for 10 years, you’ll probably be really good at playing that one song but not be good at anything else.

The more effective way to learn is to practice scales, develop correct finger placement and improve your picking technique, because in order to get good at something you need to know how to practice it in a way that will develop the fundamentals.

Yet still, this can be misunderstood. Anyone with a perfectionist mindset (yes, I’m talking to you!) will obsessively seek out the perfect way of doing things before ever actually getting in any practice.

The Extraordinary Art Of Fucking Up

What comes before perfect practice is imperfect practice, which in layman's terms means fucking up.

A lot.

Even if a woman is giving you signals, it really doesn’t mean anything unless you take action. She could be ready to go back to your place after a mere 5 minutes of small talk, but unless you actually approach her and then pull the trigger it’s never going to happen.

How do you know the right time to do these things? Like I said, by making mistakes. When I was first starting out I knew what it was I had to do, whether it was escalating or inviting her upstairs, but what I didn’t have down were the more nuanced details like timing, logistics, and understanding her mindsets.

After experiencing this period of ‘beginner’s hell’ myself, then learning I wasn’t the only one to have such a hard time starting out, I decided to do something about it. To save you the pain of having to learn seduction the hard way, without any insight or clues on what to do as a beginner, I’ve put together a 3 week course called the Dating Accelerator. You’ll be learning from me and other coaches here at the Natural Lifestyles everything we wished we had known starting out, from tackling approach anxiety to making sure you don’t run out of things to say. Learn more about the course and what’s included by clicking here.

So sure, it can be nice to get attention from women here and there, but I’d say it’s not worth waiting for her to give a signal before taking a risk.

The better alternative is to just assume that she is interested in you. This mindset means that you’re always making a forward action, and awaiting her response. Unless she’s making it clear that it’s not going anywhere by saying she’s not interested, it’s perfectly ok to believe everything is going well.

(...and by the way, this means respecting her boundaries. If she clearly says no, it means no. Period.)

The alternative is to have a negative mindset, and fueling any kind of anxiety or worry or doubt is only going to make you miss out on opportunities.

Lastly, keep in mind that some women can fire off more signals than any man could keep up with yet only be interested in flirting and ‘living life’, whilst other women will never express a single notion of interest yet gladly go home with you as long as you ask.

So stop waiting around for the ‘perfect’ opportunity and start taking risks. Dare to fail. It will pay off in the long run, I promise.

One Simple Hack That Will Revolutionize How You Talk To Women

27th March 2020
James Marshall

One Simple Hack That Will Revolutionize How You Talk To Women

Remember: women feel social pressure too. If she’s suddenly been approached by a cool guy who isn’t trying to impress her or talk her head off, that sends the message that he’s not just another average guy.

Even if you don’t know what to say…

Picture yourself walking down the street, minding your own business. Suddenly someone runs up to you randomly, a complete stranger you’ve never met and starts rambling. Not just rambling, like talking nonsense, but speaking so fast you can barely get a word in.

And before you’ve responded or had a chance to ask them a question, they’ve already moved on and started talking about something else.

Before long it becomes apparent that they have no intention of having an actual conversation with you, or worse, actually want to take the time to find out something about you.

When guys first start approaching, this is something they subject women to ALL. THE. TIME.

And we see it on workshops consistently, no matter which country we coach in, where the guy comes from, 365 days of the year.

Understanding Social Pressure

Whenever two people are interacting, there is an ebb and flow of the conversation that will demonstrate the level of comfort.

If you’re chatting with your mom, you’re not going to be too concerned about making a good impression, hoping that she likes you and you get to see her again.

You’re just going to be casually chatting away, and probably have never even thought about the meta level of the conversational dynamic. But if its a super hot girl you’re talking to, that is a complete stranger and could brutally reject you, suddenly the stakes are higher.

Enter social pressure.

Your throat tightens up. Your heart is pounding in your chest, and your palms start to sweat.

Instead of letting the anxiety get to you, it’s possible to just sit with the tension.

This means speaking slowly.

This means intentional pauses.

This means awkward silences.

Here’s The Key:

Women feel social pressure too. If she’s suddenly been approached by a cool guy who isn’t trying to impress her or talk her head off, that sends the message that he’s not just another average guy.

He might even have something to offer her.

And suddenly she feels social pressure. She starts filling the awkward silences for you, asking you questions about yourself, maybe even trying to impress you.

Just like that, with one simple shift, you’ve all of a sudden gone from bumbling mess to attractive guy.

Sound too easy?

Then try this. Next time you’re talking to a girl, even if it’s at work or in class, just try shutting up. As soon as you feel the impulse to talk, notice it, then say nothing.

And watch the magic happen.

Remember that you can start to break your social pressure RIGHT NOW with Marshall Meditation Method online course. Click here.

How To Deal With High Energy People

30th March 2020
James Marshall

How To Deal With High Energy People

If everyone around you is talking, making jokes, jumping around, it can seem like they’re the life of the party, having all of the fun, and you’re kind of a wet blanket who’s bringing everyone down.

Even if you’re an introvert and ‘low energy’

Today’s question comes from Kevin in Vienna who asks:

As an introverted guy, I feel nervous and awkward around high energy or extroverted girls. How do I handle these situations?

Being an introvert myself I know how uncomfortable it can get being in a social situation with people who are high energy and feeling really overwhelmed.

This can be especially hard when it comes to girls who want to race off and explore the world, or who talk non-stop, or are constantly distracted by people and things around them.

It can seem like they have an endless abundance of energy. So why would a girl like that want to hang around with a low energy guy?

Accepting Yourself

Firstly, if you’re a low energy guy, you need to accept it.

There’s no use fooling yourself into thinking that you can just ‘pump your state’ and suddenly match the energy of people who are naturally extroverted.

Not only will you burn out very soon, but it will become apparent to everyone around you that you’re putting on a facade to be more like them, rather than just being comfortable in your own skin.

But sometimes, being yourself CAN be uncomfortable, right?

What are you supposed to do with all of that nervous tension that’s building up inside of you?

How do you cope with the thoughts running through your head telling you that she’s getting bored or wishes you were more fun?

Is it even possible to shift away from that paralysis and towards taking action, like getting her number, or if it’s a date, going for a kiss?

Yes, it is. But the solution may surprise you.

Basking In The Awkwardness

Instead of reacting to the awkward feelings that come up when you’re around high energy people, have you ever thought about just sitting in it?

I know it may sound counter intuitive, because if something is uncomfortable, we’re biologically programmed to get away from it.

Next time you’re in a social situation around lots of high energy people, try this:

Begin by acknowledging to yourself, even in your mind, that you’re uncomfortable.
Notice that you have tension inside of you that says “if i don’t do something right now, something bad is going to happen”
Wait for the tension to resolve.

Sound too good to be true?

I’m sure it does! Let me tell you though, I’m frequently getting myself into situations that make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Even clothes shopping can freak me out; as soon as I walk into the store I have these cool chicks asking me all of these questions when I don’t even know what I want!

But then all I do is acknowledge that the tension is there, that I’m uncomfortable, and let it pass. If it seems too hard for you right now, I’d suggest checking out the Marshall Meditation Method. This is an online course designed to teach you meditation even if you’ve never learned how before.

The reason why meditation is so useful in these situations is because instead of not knowing what to do with all of the tension inside of you, suddenly you have the tools to just let it be there.

And the more you accept those feelings and make way for them, the sooner they will shift and change and move to something else.

In real life, this looks like someone else doing something to resolve the tension. Maybe someone will crack a joke, or the girl will ask you a question.

So make sure you try it next time you’re in an uncomfortable situation, and let me know how it goes!

Suicidal Thoughts: The Hidden Pain of Young Men

30th March 2020
James Marshall

Suicidal Thoughts: The Hidden Pain of Young Men

Truth is, you can’t instantly be the successful guy with the suit and rolex and hot blonde when you’re an 18 year old. Bottling up those other feelings generally turns guys to addictions like alcohol and drugs, violence against themselves or others, turning the feelings inwards into depression or in the worst cases, suicide.

The Struggle of Emotion

There is a huge stigma against men speaking out about their emotions, displaying weakness or that they can’t cope with what’s happening to them. As men, we’re expected to be tough, be strong, and feel pressure to constantly prove ourselves. Truth is, you can’t instantly be the successful guy with the suit and rolex and hot blonde when you’re an 18 year old. Bottling up those other feelings generally turns guys to addictions like alcohol and drugs, violence against themselves or others, turning the feelings inwards into depression or in the worst cases, suicide.

Throughout my teens and early twenties I experienced some very intense phases of depression. In those moments it can really feel like there is no way out, that things aren’t going to get better, and my habit was to seek out reinforcement of that idea but surrounding myself with negative influences. Having experienced those periods in my life and worked through them has allowed me to see that it is entirely objective; the experience itself is real, but the physical, mental and emotional aspects can change and evolve in a positive way.

When you’re young and inexperienced with women, particularly coming from a place of scarcity, it’s very easy to get tunnel vision and think you’ve found ‘the one’. Losing that girl or getting rejected can be absolutely devastating. Yes, heartbreak is a fucking bitch. In reality there is no ’the one’. There are multiple people you will meet throughout your life who you will share a deep and intimate bond with. The reason you cling onto one woman is because of the scarcity mindset; thinking that if you don’t get this one girl, you’ve fucked your once chance up and it will never happen for you.

Spreading Your Wings

Instead of focusing on one woman, get out into life and explore. Try on different personalities, different behaviours, different hobbies and interests, different friend groups, and especially different women. This will help you to get closer to what your passion really is, finding out who you really are and want you really want.

If you are feeling suicidal:

Talk to somebody about it, speak about it candidly. A family member or a professional (most countries have free hotlines you can call to talk to someone if you’re feeling suicidal).
Wait one more day. And then wait one more day. And then one more day. Don’t look it as a long term thing, think about your survival on a day by day basis.
Return back to the simple things in life that make you happy. Go for a walk, enjoy the sunshine and nature, interact with animals, eat some healthy, wholesome food.
If you’re particularly hung up on one girl, go out and meet some new girls, for the specific purpose of having fun and having sex.

And if you’re in a position to go to the next level by really conquering these tormenting thoughts, my online course the Marshall Meditation Method is designed to teach you a simple yet profound meditation system designed to draw your focus away from negative thoughts and into the present moment. Make sure you check it out by clicking here.

For now, stay strong.

But don’t be Tough.

James

Women Who Don’t Give Out Their Phone Number

31st March 2020
James Marshall

Women Who Don’t Give Out Their Phone Number

Rather than thinking “oh, she said no when I went for the number because she doesn’t want to go on a date with me”, ask yourself: What other reasons could she have for saying no?

and what to do about it!

If you’ve ever asked a girl for her number and she say’s no, it can be one of the most soul crushing things ever. Nothing sucks more than having a smooth chat only to be thrown an abrupt curveball out of nowhere.

But why do women say no when you ask for their number?

Is it because they don’t like you?

Is it because they have a boyfriend they aren’t telling you about?

Or is it something much more complex, intricate and confusing that only the infamous dating coach and natural seducer James Marshall can deduce?

Let’s find out.

Cracking The Code

When it comes to seduction, there is rarely a situation that is a complete carbon copy of the other.

Even though pickup lines and routines are only practiced by guys in their 40’s who ‘just can’t let go of the old ways’, a lot of men still hold onto the idea that there is a one size fits all approach to certain situations.

That there is a perfect opener.

Or a perfect way to ask for her number.

Or the perfect first text to send afterwards.

Here at The Natural Lifestyles we always focus on taking a step back from this focus on situations and instead look at the meta of a situation.

So rather than thinking “oh, she said no when I went for the number because she doesn’t want to go on a date with me”, ask yourself: What other reasons could she have for saying no?

The Creepy Texter

A lot of women have a story about this one guy in their life. No, he wasn’t the charming romantic who swept her off her feet.

Instead, he was the guy who she innocently gave her number to because at the time she thought he was cute, or he made her laugh.

Emphasis on the innocent here. She wasn’t hearing wedding bells or picturing their family home, it was just done on a whim, a spur of the moment kind of thing.

Yet because most men are coming from a place of complete SCARCITY and have very limited options with women, getting a woman’s number = sex.

All they need to do is pester her enough times until she finally submits.

So they text her.

And then text her some more.

When she doesn’t respond, they call.

And then when there is no answer, you know what the

y do?

That’s right. They leave a voice message.

Then send a text.

You know.

Just in case the voicemail didn’t work.

So suddenly she’s gone from giving out her number to some guy she barely knows who is now constantly harassing her.

The last thing she wants to do is give him the impression that she’s interested, so she doesn’t respond.

But instead of him getting the hint, he just thinks she’s playing “hard to get” and so texts him even more.

Talk about a nightmare.

Calling It Out

Since I’ve been doing this for many, many years, I’ve heard countless stories like this from women about their experiences with men.

So when I hear “I don’t give my numbers to strangers”, I don’t interpret that as “I don’t want to date you”, but rather “I’ve done that before and deeply regretted it”.

In this instance a little reassurance goes a long way.

Just the fact that I mention this to her is a huge weight off her shoulders.

If you want to hear more about my origin story and how I eventually became the world’s leading dating coach, you can read all about it in A Natural History. It’s an autobiography chronicling my early days starting out as a seducer, not to mention all of the mistakes I made along the way.

Admittedly, I may have had a creepy texter phase too, but you’ll have to click here to find out more…

The Sixth Sense

What this really boils down to is developing a sixth sense, a seducers empathy if you will, when you’re interacting with women.

Know that they’ve had to deal with a whole range of bizarre behaviour from men which was totally unwelcome, and for some women that makes them incredibly hesitant when meeting new men.

Especially if you’re two strangers who have just met on the street like I was meeting this redhead in Prague.

So next time you’re having a morning after with a girl, maybe ask her about some of the experiences she’s had with men. Her answers will likely shock you…

Do Girls Care About Looks?

31st March 2020
James Marshall

Do Girls Care About Looks?

Somewhere along the way as we were evolving as humans, the genes got mixed up or a social meme developed where men suddenly started believing that because they are drawn towards women who are physically attractive, then women must work exactly the same way!

The mystery has finally been solved! All you have to do in order to attract a really hot woman is to be really hot yourself!

Excellent. We can all give up on this hard seduction business and simply hit the gym. Why risk getting rejected by approaching when you can just workout to the point where you look SO good that women will approach YOU?

The Harsh Truth

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this simply isn’t how women work.

Granted, some women will go out on the prowl at night seeking a hot stud to take home for a quick romp in the sack.

But I’m yet to have seen a woman walk up to a complete stranger on the street and compliment him on how attractive he is.

And I’ve seen thousands of men who could easily be models get harshly rejected and forgotten by women because they lacked the fundamental skills of dating.

The truth is, that whilst women do care about how men look, there is a lot more at play for them then simple appearances.

For example, how you make her feel. You’ll notice that my online course, The 5 Principles of Natural Seduction, mentions nothing about buying a slick leather jacket or growing a hipster beard. It’s all about focusing on the underlying principles, the fundamentals of how seduction works, moment to moment, when you’re talking to a woman.

Developing an emotional connection. Expressing your sexual intent. Being able to pull the trigger.

All of these things are fundamental if you’re going to be seducing women.

The reason that certain ‘styles’ or ‘looks’ work is because women associate that image with the bad boy they knew in high school, or the suave charmer from their favourite movie who’s lines they’ve memorised.

Guys who, coincidentally, are conveying the principles of seduction in their own way.

Keeping Up Appearances

It is important to maintain a standard of dress and grooming when you’re meeting women and going on dates. This means dressing in a way that conveys your personality, and taking care of your appearance such as trimming your beard and not having funky breath.

But what is going to make a much bigger difference is your attitude towards women and how they see you.

Forget the idea that women are ‘checking you out’. Maybe you’re wearing a pair of glasses that remind her of her Dad. Maybe you kind of look like her high school crush. Or maybe you have ketchup on your face.

If you’re banking on women finding you attractive physically before you speak to them, you’re going to have to be incredibly patient with seduction.

Instead, try this on for size. Accept the idea that women don’t find you attractive.

It might sound counter intuitive, but the whole idea behind this is that instead of relying on your looks, you’re instead focusing on things that are actually in your control. Your approach skill set, your mindsets, your internal beliefs.

Through expressing who you are as a man, you’re going to be forming real connections with women. If you’re relying solely on your looks, she’s just going to walk away as soon as she sees how little confidence you have, or run along to a more handsome man who’s just walked in the room.

Being Yourself Under Social Pressure

31st March 2020
James Marshall

Being Yourself Under Social Pressure

Have you ever noticed that you’re not yourself all of the time?

James Marshall explains why it’s hard to be yourself around beautiful women.

Have you ever noticed that you’re not yourself all of the time?

That sounds like a very esoteric question, so let me put it this way.

Why is it that when you’re hanging around friends that you’ve known for years, or talking to your mom, it’s really easy to be yourself.

There isn’t any social pressure, you don’t feel like you have to think of something to say next. It’s just...normal.

But when you’re talking to some intimidating, like a beautiful woman, things can really change.

Building Bridges

Most guys think that in order to be yourself you need to be cool, relaxed and at your best. If you’re someone who is very analytical and logical, say an engineer or software programmer, there is often a lot of pressure to get things perfect.

And for good reason! I’m certainly grateful that we have guys such as yourself double and triple checking the math so that skyscrapers and planes are falling down around me.

But when it comes to meeting beautiful women, trying to get everything perfect doesn’t really serve you.

For one, it means that you’re constantly going to be thinking about what to say and do, instead of just focusing on her.

And secondly, social interactions are rarely ever perfect, especially seduction. In all of my years I’ve pulled off one, maybe two seductions where everything went 100% perfectly.

Most of the time things go wrong. So how is it that you can bridge the gap between not being yourself under social pressure, to feeling comfortable no matter who you’re talking to?

Getting Out Of Your Head

The answer, is simple. Meditation. The journey may not be entirely simple, but the answer at least for now, is simple.

See, when something goes wrong in a seduction, it’s the perfect opportunity for your mind to pitch in and start causing problems.

Analyzing how that one thing you did wrong is going to ruin everything.

Pointing out the obvious mistake that you could have seen coming a mile away.

Convincing you it’s time to just give up to avoid further embarrassment.

So is the problem really external, or is it internal? Is it that you made a mistake, or how you process the mistake?

Sometimes it’s both. But the process of correcting that begins with meditation.

In the Marshall Meditation Method online course, I teach guys a practical way to meditate that is applicable to situations where you’re under high pressure.

Remember how I said the answer is easy, but the journey isn’t? I’ve done everything I can to distill over 10 years of meditation practice and study into an online course that takes you through meditation step by step, leading you up to the point where you can draw on the practice of mindfulness when you’re feeling social pressure. You can learn more by clicking HERE.

Getting The Job Done

With the right tools anything is possible, hence the course filled with everything you need to know. But your responsibility is to actually use those tools.

This means first being aware of how social pressure shows up in the moment.

Does your mouth get dry? Does your chest get tight? Does it feel like there’s a fuzzy sensation in your belly?

Next, identify the sensation. Rather than judging it, by saying “oh I’m nervous again”, just acknowledge that it’s there.

Finally, watch it pass away. Few sensations and feelings in life are consistent in every moment, and even those that are aren’t always necessarily in our field of awareness.

Meditation is all about helping you to get back to the present moment, out of your head, and hopefully, focused on the beautiful woman who is about you hand you her number.

WARNING: Your Friends Are Stopping You From Getting Laid

2nd April 2020
James Marshall

WARNING: Your Friends Are Stopping You From Getting Laid

This whole fear that men have around other men ‘getting ahead’ of them is really to do with insecurity. Men are afraid to face up to the idea that there is some room for improvement.

The Negative Side of Having a Shitty Social Circle

There’s a little secret I know about you.

If my hunch is correct, I’m the only one that knows it.

Maybe you’ve told a friend or two.

But I’m guessing it’s just you and I who are in on this one.

And I have some news for you.

I’m now sharing it on the internet, for the whole world to see.

Are you scared?

You should be.

See, I know that because you’re reading this very article, you want to become a better version of yourself.

There. I said it. It had to be done.

No More Hiding

Men have this incredibly weird stigma around self improvement, especially in countries like Australia where I grew up.

For some reason as soon as someone in the ‘group’ wants to expand, to grow, to set a new course in their life everyone else raises arms and becomes determined to do whatever it takes to keep them in their place.

You’ll see this happening on social media all of the time. Guys ripping on their friend for having something as simple as a well lit, professionally shot profile picture.

Heaven forbid that he actually try to make a good impression. I suppose the ‘entry requirement’ for that social circle is having a lame selfie that was taken at 3am when you were drunk as a profile picture.

Breaking The Norm

This whole fear that men have around other men ‘getting ahead’ of them is really to do with insecurity. Men are afraid to face up to the idea that there is some room for improvement.

As a dating coach I especially encounter this a lot when it comes to men’s romantic lives.

It’s common for men to greatly overstate their abilities and success with women, because anything less would be to admit a flaw in their masculinity.

In extreme cases like Australia it actually makes you less of a man in some people’s eyes if you aren’t “killin’ it with the ladies”.

That’s why I know that you’re different. The very fact that you’re here tells me that you are at least willing to admit that there is some room for improvement.

Maybe you can even admit that you aren’t satisfied with your dating life.

Perhaps you would even go as far as saying you need help.

And that’s ok. That’s what we’re here for.

Getting The Help You Need

I often have to remind guys that very few men actually have someone in their everyday life to teach or demonstrate dating skills to them.

Unless you’ve just been genetically gifted as a natural, or had a Dad/Uncle/Brother/Friend show you the ropes, it’s ok to be clueless.

It’s not like there is some Dating Skills 101 class offered up in universities these days that you just decided to skip out on because you had more important priorities like playing Xbox.

This is why I’ve created the online course The 5 Principles of Natural Seduction, which is designed to teach you everything you need to know about seduction. It’s a comprehensive 5 week program that begins with meditation to help with your anxiety, and ramps up to more complex topics like emotional connection and escalation.

You can learn more by clicking here.

Cutting The Ties

When all’s said and done, sometimes you need to cut ties with those who are holding you back.

A lot of guys are uncomfortable about even entertaining this notion, especially if they have life long friendships that need to be let go.

But what are your options?

You can continue having that person, or those people in your life, and keep playing small.

You can cut them out completely.

Or you can try to bring them along with you, which can sometimes make getting ahead in life even harder because you now have EXTRA resistance to deal with.

If this resonates with you at all, maybe it’s time to sit down and think about who you need to let go of.

Peace

What Is Love?

2nd April 2020
James Marshall

What Is Love?

Struggling to pin down what this odd combination of emotions, thoughts and sensations is, where it is, and how it always seems to make us do crazy, stupid things.

How To Tell If You’re In Love

Ah, the age old question that philosophers, poets, novelists and artists of all kinds have been trying to answer for eons. Struggling to pin down what this odd combination of emotions, thoughts and sensations is, WHERE it is, and how it always seems to make us do crazy, stupid things.

If you’re a guy who has spent most of his life single and alone, its particularly important for you to pay attention to the feelings you develop for women.

Whether you’re using what you learn from our videos to finally ask that girl out you’ve been pining over for months, or you have started approaching women on the street, you’re at a high risk to confuse love with intense feelings for a girl.

Curing Desperation

A common tale we hear from guys after a workshop goes something like this:

"I spent my whole life wondering when I’d meet that next girl. This meant going months, often years without sex. And now, I’ve got the confidence and skills to meet as many women as I like. But there’s this one special girl I approached recently, and well, I’ve decided I want to settle down into a relationship with her. In fact, I think I love her."

Tell me, can you see the problem here?

A guy has gone from being completely lonely and desperate, to suddenly finding a girl who will sleep with him, and coincidentally she just HAPPENS to be the girl he’s fallen in love with.

Is this a fairy tale ending? Or a guy shooting himself in the foot?

Seeing The Forest For The Trees

What’s really going on here is that a guy is still operating under the same mindsets and programming he was before. There are many things we can do on a workshop for our clients, but one of the things we cannot do is make decisions for them after the workshop.

When it comes time to getting back home and meeting women in their day to day life, men are ultimately left to their own devices. And if they haven’t really understood the true extent of the abundance that is now waiting for them in the wide world of women, they’re going to settle for the first girl they meet.

What they think of as ‘love’ is really just a bundle of emotions that comes along with finally being accepted and seen by someone. Finally having a woman like them enough to sleep with them.

The simplest way to recognise what’s really going on is to look at the type of connection you have with a girl.

Is it just a physical/sexual connection? If she stopped sleeping with you, would you still want to hang out with her?

Or maybe it’s an intellectual mental connection? If the sex stopped, maybe you’d love being friends because you could still have enjoyable conversations?

Maybe there is a deeper emotional connection, but you need to really think about why you feel that connection. Is there going to be more to this than just the initial infatuation that lasts for the first weeks or months?

Do you share the same values? Do you enjoy the simple things, like doing laundry together or cooking meals?

Like any guy these are questions I had to answer on my own journey, which you can read more about in my book, A Natural History. There are times when I met women who I truly felt something for, yet had to make a critical decision as to whether I wanted to pursue something further with her, or keep my eye on my bigger vision.

The Big Picture

At the end of the day, eventually you will meet a woman who you do love and want to develop a deeper relationship with. However, this does not mean that you’ll fall in love with every woman that you meet, or that because a woman has sex with you it means you should love her.

Keep your eye on the big picture. Most of the time guys get into relationships thinking its the best thing for them at the time, only to wake up 2 years later and realise they’ve wasted an enormous amount of time. Don’t let that be you. Stay focused on why you’re doing this, why it’s important for you to get better with women, and what the end goal looks like.

Get Sexual, Not Creepy

4th April 2020
James Marshall

Get Sexual, Not Creepy

How are you able to express your sexual intent clearly, without being perceived as a creep?

How To Express Your Sexual Intent Without Being Creepy

In today’s world most men are terrified of touching women in a sexual way, and for good reason.

With the heightened awareness around sexual assault and harassment, along with the allegations, media coverage and drama that goes along with it, all you have to do is turn on the nightly news and be terrified out of your mind by the way women feel about being touched inappropriately.

So what’s a guy to do?

How are you able to express your sexual intent clearly through touch, without being perceived as a creep?

In A Monochrome World

Before I go any further, I need to explain what needs to happen in order for a woman to accuse a guy of being creepy.

See, women aren’t always exactly black and white about their boundaries. They’re very comfortable expressing what they don’t want, but not so much what they do want.

It’s not like you’ll be sitting at a bar, chatting with a woman, and have her lean over to say

“You know what? You’re a great guy! I’ve given it some careful consideration, and having spoken to you for well over 5 minutes I’d be really happy if you went ahead and put your hand on my thigh”.

Never going to happen. She might make subtle suggestions or give hints, but even those can be hard to misinterpret or not see altogether.

This would end a lot of confusion on our behalf as men because those direct statements would make things SO MUCH EASIER!

Yet I hope you can appreciate that for a woman, it ruins some of the excitement. It takes away the subtext of the interaction between you. The dance. The passion. The internal struggle between wanting something, but needing to follow certain social protocols and rules, even if she doesn’t fully agree with those.

Being A Creep

So what is it about escalating and touching women that leaves you so open to be called a creep, with your picture featured on the 11 o’clock news?

It’s simply the inability to perceive and interpret her boundaries.

See, getting into a woman’s space and showing sexual intent isn’t just a one way thing. It’s the two of you communicating on a subtle level about how comfortable you are being in each others space. Whenever you escalate, you need to be observing how it makes her feel, whether it’s uncomfortable or if she’s enjoying it. If it’s clear that you’ve gone too far or it’s weird, you need to back off.

How do you gain this awareness? Meditation.

It might sound really strange, because meditation is all about sitting on a cushion and doing...well...nothing. And there might be some chanting, bald monks with ringing bells thrown into the mix.

In the Marshall Meditation Method online course the core skill I teach is awareness. This is the ability to just perceive the present moment as it is, without any kind of filter or coloured interpretation.

Most men don’t really have this skillset since it’s not something that is taught in school, or belive will help them to be good with women.

But the more aware you are of what a woman is experiencing, the better you’ll be at knowing when and how to touch. If this sounds like a skill you need to learn, you can find out more about the 5 Week Online course by clicking here.

Following The Signs

Whenever you make a move on a woman, she’ll have a reaction of some kind. Taking our previous example, let’s say you’re chatting with a woman and after a couple of minutes place your hand on her thigh.

Now she might physically grab your hand and move it away, which is a really clear sign that she isn’t ok with it.

Or, she might glance down at it and shift uncomfortably in her seat. It’s probably wise to back off and give her some more time to get comfortable with you.

Then again, she could place her hand on your hand, or even on your thigh. That’s certainly a good sign.

The core of all escalation between a man and a woman is a process of you putting forth your intentions, communicating your sexual desire, and having the awareness to see how you’re affecting her.

The amount of control you have over how she perceives your intentions is limited. She might have a boyfriend, not be interested in you in that way, or simply not be ready for that yet.

Yet what you can control is your awareness. Are you going to pay attention to her response, thereby acknowledging and respecting her boundaries? Or are you going to ‘plow’ forward without any concern for her response or experience?

Not only will she appreciate your insight, but she may even begin wondering how that raised awareness improves other parts of your life, say, your ability to please her in the bedroom...

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