Even if you’re an introvert and ‘low energy’
Today’s question comes from Kevin in Vienna who asks:
As an introverted guy, I feel nervous and awkward around high energy or extroverted girls. How do I handle these situations?
Being an introvert myself I know how uncomfortable it can get being in a social situation with people who are high energy and feeling really overwhelmed.
If everyone around you is talking, making jokes, jumping around, it can seem like they’re the life of the party, having all of the fun, and you’re kind of a wet blanket who’s bringing everyone down.
This can be especially hard when it comes to girls who want to race off and explore the world, or who talk non-stop, or are constantly distracted by people and things around them.
It can seem like they have an endless abundance of energy. So why would a girl like that want to hang around with a low energy guy?
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The Truth about Social Anxiety - James Marshall's Solution for Introverts
Firstly, if you’re a low energy guy, you need to accept it.
There’s no use fooling yourself into thinking that you can just ‘pump your state’ and suddenly match the energy of people who are naturally extroverted.
Not only will you burn out very soon, but it will become apparent to everyone around you that you’re putting on a facade to be more like them, rather than just being comfortable in your own skin.
But sometimes, being yourself CAN be uncomfortable, right?
What are you supposed to do with all of that nervous tension that’s building up inside of you?
How do you cope with the thoughts running through your head telling you that she’s getting bored or wishes you were more fun?
Is it even possible to shift away from that paralysis and towards taking action, like getting her number, or if it’s a date, going for a kiss?
Yes, it is. But the solution may surprise you.
Basking In The Awkwardness
Instead of reacting to the awkward feelings that come up when you’re around high energy people, have you ever thought about just sitting in it?
I know it may sound counter intuitive, because if something is uncomfortable, we’re biologically programmed to get away from it.
Next time you’re in a social situation around lots of high energy people, try this:
- Begin by acknowledging to yourself, even in your mind, that you’re uncomfortable.
- Notice that you have tension inside of you that says “if i don’t do something right now, something bad is going to happen”
- Wait for the tension to resolve.
Sound too good to be true?
I’m sure it does! Let me tell you though, I’m frequently getting myself into situations that make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Even clothes shopping can freak me out; as soon as I walk into the store I have these cool chicks asking me all of these questions when I don’t even know what I want!
But then all I do is acknowledge that the tension is there, that I’m uncomfortable, and let it pass. If it seems too hard for you right now, I’d suggest checking out the Marshall Meditation Method. This is an online course designed to teach you meditation even if you’ve never learned how before.
The reason why meditation is so useful in these situations is because instead of not knowing what to do with all of the tension inside of you, suddenly you have the tools to just let it be there.
And the more you accept those feelings and make way for them, the sooner they will shift and change and move to something else.
In real life, this looks like someone else doing something to resolve the tension. Maybe someone will crack a joke, or the girl will ask you a question.
So make sure you try it next time you’re in an uncomfortable situation, and let me know how it goes!