How To Express Your Sexual Intent Without Being Creepy
In today’s world most men are terrified of touching women in a sexual way, and for good reason.
With the heightened awareness around sexual assault and harassment, along with the allegations, media coverage and drama that goes along with it, all you have to do is turn on the nightly news and be terrified out of your mind by the way women feel about being touched inappropriately.
So what’s a guy to do?
How are you able to express your sexual intent clearly through touch, without being perceived as a creep?
In A Monochrome World
Before I go any further, I need to explain what needs to happen in order for a woman to accuse a guy of being creepy.
See, women aren’t always exactly black and white about their boundaries. They’re very comfortable expressing what they don’t want, but not so much what they do want.
It’s not like you’ll be sitting at a bar, chatting with a woman, and have her lean over to say
“You know what? You’re a great guy! I’ve given it some careful consideration, and having spoken to you for well over 5 minutes I’d be really happy if you went ahead and put your hand on my thigh”.
Never going to happen. She might make subtle suggestions or give hints, but even those can be hard to misinterpret or not see altogether.
This would end a lot of confusion on our behalf as men because those direct statements would make things SO MUCH EASIER!
Yet I hope you can appreciate that for a woman, it ruins some of the excitement. It takes away the subtext of the interaction between you. The dance. The passion. The internal struggle between wanting something, but needing to follow certain social protocols and rules, even if she doesn’t fully agree with those.
Being A Creep
So what is it about escalating and touching women that leaves you so open to be called a creep, with your picture featured on the 11 o’clock news?
It’s simply the inability to perceive and interpret her boundaries.
See, getting into a woman’s space and showing sexual intent isn’t just a one way thing. It’s the two of you communicating on a subtle level about how comfortable you are being in each others space. Whenever you escalate, you need to be observing how it makes her feel, whether it’s uncomfortable or if she’s enjoying it. If it’s clear that you’ve gone too far or it’s weird, you need to back off.
How do you gain this awareness? Meditation.
It might sound really strange, because meditation is all about sitting on a cushion and doing...well...nothing. And there might be some chanting, bald monks with ringing bells thrown into the mix.
In the Marshall Meditation Method online course the core skill I teach is awareness. This is the ability to just perceive the present moment as it is, without any kind of filter or coloured interpretation.
Most men don’t really have this skillset since it’s not something that is taught in school, or belive will help them to be good with women.
But the more aware you are of what a woman is experiencing, the better you’ll be at knowing when and how to touch. If this sounds like a skill you need to learn, you can find out more about the 5 Week Online course by clicking here.
Following The Signs
Whenever you make a move on a woman, she’ll have a reaction of some kind. Taking our previous example, let’s say you’re chatting with a woman and after a couple of minutes place your hand on her thigh.
Now she might physically grab your hand and move it away, which is a really clear sign that she isn’t ok with it.
Or, she might glance down at it and shift uncomfortably in her seat. It’s probably wise to back off and give her some more time to get comfortable with you.
Then again, she could place her hand on your hand, or even on your thigh. That’s certainly a good sign.
The core of all escalation between a man and a woman is a process of you putting forth your intentions, communicating your sexual desire, and having the awareness to see how you’re affecting her.
The amount of control you have over how she perceives your intentions is limited. She might have a boyfriend, not be interested in you in that way, or simply not be ready for that yet.
Yet what you can control is your awareness. Are you going to pay attention to her response, thereby acknowledging and respecting her boundaries? Or are you going to ‘plow’ forward without any concern for her response or experience?
Not only will she appreciate your insight, but she may even begin wondering how that raised awareness improves other parts of your life, say, your ability to please her in the bedroom...