4th April 2020
Inna

How To Approach A Group Of Girls

(Without Making A Fool Of Yourself!)

A student recently asked me a question about approaching girls when they’re bunched together in groups. Not just 2 friends walking together, but a bigger group of say 4 or more people.

It’s natural to find the idea of approaching a group of women incredibly nerve wracking, because you’re taking all of the pressure of approaching one woman and multiplying it.

So what’s the best way to approach girls in groups?

An Important Skill

Sometimes you’ll see an amazing girl, but she’s surrounded by a group of friends. If you don’t practice this, then you’re always going to feel shortchanged when these opportunities come around.

More importantly, you need to know how to do this in other social situations as well. If you’re at a party and don’t know anyone, how many opportunities will you have to approach one person standing by themselves? It’s more likely that they’ll be clumped together.

And then there are networking events where it’s important to make a good impression. The next person you talk to might be your future boss, and if you fumble the introduction you could miss out on an excellent opportunity.

Straight To The Point

Whenever you're approaching a group, it’s best to be direct.

This means giving people a very clear intention of why you’re there.

When it comes to a group of women, if you lack clarity and intention when you approach, people can get very uncomfortable because you’ve suddenly upset the status quo.

A new person has joined the group, for reasons unknown, and as one person becomes uncomfortable, the others will feel it too. Very soon that awkwardness spreads like a virus, and they’ll become focused on driving out it’s source; YOU.

If you’re still not sure about how to approach in a direct manner, it’s something I cover in my introductory course, the ‘Dating Accelerator’. Many guys have no idea where or how to start when it comes to seduction and meeting new women, so I’ve designed a 3-week online video course that will teach you everything you need to know as a beginner.

Being direct can be confusing for some as it can seem like something creepy; giving women unwanted attention on the street. But the truth is that it’s far creepier to approach women with no intention at all, because they’ll be left wondering what you want and why you’re there. Click here to learn more about the course so you can start being direct in your interactions with women.

Finding Your Style

As you progress on your seduction journey, it’s important to at least try all of the different aspects of seduction; approaching groups, nightclub game, same-day lays and so on.

But it doesn’t mean you have to master everything. If that is really your goal, it’s likely that you’re focused more on your ego or persona as a ‘pua’ rather than having a pure intention of meeting and spending time with more women.

What really matters in the long run is finding what suits you. So ask yourself; Do you really like meeting girls in a group? Or would you rather meet them one on one? Does the idea of feeding off a group’s energy and being the centre of attention thrill you, or would you rather build an intimate connection with just you and her?

Numbers vs. Facebook: The Final Verdict

6th April 2020
James Marshall

Numbers vs. Facebook: The Final Verdict

Sometimes when you’re ready to ask a girl out, it can feel like all of this pressure has been building up until this one single moment.
Part of you is expecting that it’s not going to go as planned. As though hearing her say “sure, here’s my number” seems almost too easy.

Knowing Where You Stand

If you’ve been out approaching women you’ve likely heard a lot of different responses from women when you ask them out.

Sometimes they might tell you they don’t give their number out to random strangers.

Other times they might sidestep altogether and simply offer to be Facebook friends.

But really, those two are your best options.

Anything beyond that is a depressing decline into the stark realization that this girl has absolutely no interest in seeing you again. I’m talking about her offer to let you follow her on Instagram. Or maybe snapchat.

Or the worst of the worst, swapping email addresses.

“Sure, I’ll take your email address! It’s not like my well thought out and articulate email is going to get lost in a tide of spam, sale announcements and other internet flotsam!”.

Why Numbers Aren’t Always Best

So if we boil it down to either Facebook or a phone number, which is best?

At first instinct you might say phone number, because it’s more personal, right? She could have over a thousand Facebook friends, but it’s unlikely she has 1,000+ phone contacts.

Then again, to make the assumption that her giving you her number means that she likes you more doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best way to go.

See, the variable here is always going to be her preference for how people contact her.

Perhaps she just hates giving out her number because she’s had bad experiences in the past.

Maybe she wants your Facebook because it’s easier to block you if things go south.

Or it’s possible that she doesn’t even have a phone number in the country she’s in because she’s traveling.

But what you can control is how you put your best foot forward.

Pimp My Profile

When you’re approaching women you seldom have 15 minutes to stand there and get to know each other. In this context, a number would seem more appropriate because something has been established.

However if you’ve only been talking for 3-4 minutes and then swap numbers, you’re relying on text and emoji’s to rekindle the spark that led her to giving you her number.

This can lead to a lot of flakes and disappointments, which is very common for beginners to deal with. In my online course, the Dating Accelerator, I teach practical ways for beginners to leave a lasting impact on the women that they meet so that they’re more likely to meet up with her again. You can find out more information by clicking here.

In comparison to swapping numbers, Facebook presents her with a rundown of what kind of guy you are, from your pictures to your updates to everything in between.

This is where swapping Facebook profiles shines. If you’ve taken the time to upload some decent photos, and give the overall impression that you lead an interesting life, you’ll spike some curiosity in her to at least take a chance on you.

That being said, don’t let that be another excuse to stop you from approaching women. You don’t need to invest months creating a better profile when that time could be spent approaching women.

Ultimately you need to be out there taking action. I wouldn’t worry about fine tuning your Facebook profile until you’re actually at the stage where you’re approaching and asking out a lot of women.

How Meditation Saved My Life

6th April 2020
James Marshall

How Meditation Saved My Life

James Marshall’s Story Of Depression and Suicide

What are you thinking about right now as you read this? You’re probably hearing the words in your head as you read this blog post.

But what else are you thinking? Are you having thoughts about getting back to work? Or what you’re going to eat next? Maybe wondering if you should have approached that cute girl you saw today.

That voice in your head, that sounds like you constantly running commentary on your day, worrying about the future, mulling over the past, clammering to the next idea, desire, or fear.

Seeing The Self

Have you ever stopped for a moment and considered that you are not your thoughts?

It’s crazy I know. If you have a narrative going on inside of your head, and they’re your thoughts, how can it not be you?

Well, the truth is that your thoughts are just small aspect of your psyche – an internal dialogue created from your experiences, upbringing, socialization, exposure to media and other random elements. Although it’s the most obvious representation of yourself you usually notice, these thoughts don’t actually define you as a person.

If you’re someone who always thinks negative thoughts, who always beats himself up and can’t escape the constant overthinking, getting entangled in your thinking leads to ineffective behaviours and general unhappiness in life.

However by learning to step back and observe your thoughts as merely brief manifestations passing through your mind, you can learn to become relaxed and objective, allowing thoughts to come and go while keeping a more balanced peaceful internal position.

Discovering Awareness

In meditation we call this awareness or mindfulness. This is the foundation of the meditation system I teach in the Marshall Meditation Method, which I’ve packed into a 6 week online video course designed to teach you mindfulness, whether you’ve never meditated before or have tried it but found it didn’t work.

You can hear more about the origins of my meditation method in the epic hour long video about in this article which tells the story of how I traveled through India and China to learn from the greatest masters, studying many forms of spirituality, martial arts and philosophy.

Awareness meditation gives you the ability to disconnect from the internal dialogue and just observe your thoughts, kind of like watching cars go by on the street. If you’re interested in learning more about the online course, the Marshall Meditation Method, click here for full details.

A Practical Approach

So if you’re out walking the streets for example and you see a beautiful girl, the thoughts you have in that moment like “she probably has a boyfriend” or “she’s probably really busy”, “This will never work” aren’t actually the truth. Those opinions don’t define you. They’re just thoughts. And if you stall and choke and can’t approach and think “I have approach anxiety”, again that’s just another thought.

When you learn to just observe and allow your thoughts to pass, you’ll be able to regain control of your state and intent and take positive action despite doubts and excuses passing through you.

This is the power of being able to meditate. Being able to disconnect from the thoughts you’re having and thinking they’re true, and instead just observing them for what they are.

Next time you think a negative thought like “I can’t approach her because I don’t know what to say”, notice the thought, then ask yourself “is it true? Is this the objective truth or just my nervous internal reaction to the situation”. Then take a deep breath, feel your feet, then all the way up to your head, breathe out and go and find out.

Are You Really Happy?

6th April 2020
James Marshall

Are You Really Happy?

What is it that people are seeking that they believe will finally make them happy?

Why Having More Women Won’t Bring You Total Fulfillment

As Dating coaches we often meet men who are convinced that their lack of success with women, whether it be not getting enough dates or enough sex, is the biggest problem in their lives at the moment.

It’s only once we begin to dig a little deeper that we find they’re incredibly unhappy. And it’s not only with their dating life, but it’s their job, where they’re living, their family situation, their lack of a fulfilling social circle, and how they spend their time.

And that’s only the guys we’re coaching. It’s safe to assume that most people in the world today aren’t really satisfied with their lives and are spending most of their time miserable, wishing things were better.

So what is causing so much unhappiness in the world? Why aren’t people satisfied with what they have? What is it that they’re seeking that they believe will finally make them happy?

A Perfect Plan Gone Wrong

The truth is that most people are following a formula laid out for them from a very young age, which they believe will lead them to happiness.

You may have heard of this idea before. You’re told that you should go to school, get good grades, get into a university, earn a degree, get a good paying job, buy a house, marry that girl, have some kids, and so on. If you stick to the plan of what everyone else is doing, then you’re one day, eventually, HOPEFULLY going to end up happy.

And sure, that might work for some.

But the problem is that everyone is different. What has been the key to happiness for some people will just as likely make others completely miserable. And worst of all, there’s a cost associated with following a path thinking you’ll eventually be happy, only to one day wake up and realize that you’re miserable.

Here’s the real question though; if some people have even the slightest suspicion that doing all of that won’t make them happy, why do they still do it anyway?

The Devil You Know

Ultimately people stick to this plan out of fear.

Fear of not knowing what will happen if they walk the path less traveled. Fear of what others will think and say when they learn that their son, brother, husband or father wants to do something out of the ordinary. Fear of failing and having to be wrong.

This is the prison that most people find themselves in. Yet none of them are connected to the worst fear of all;

Fear of Regret.

Imagine going through life doing what everyone else wanted you to do, meeting everyone else’s expectations, only to find yourself miserable, having never done the things you really wanted to do?

Approaching is a great example of this. Most guys struggle to even start approaching, just getting the basic steps down, which is why I’ve put together the Dating Accelerator to help guys get through what I call ‘beginner’s hell’; that initial period where you have no idea what you’re doing or how to improve. Over the course of 3 weeks I’ll be teaching you the nuts and bolts essentials you need to have in order to start approaching.

Because what’s the alternative? The problem with that golden plan everyone seems to follow is that you’re actually leaving things up to chance. Nobody explains how you’re supposed to meet this woman who you’re going to marry and start a family with; they just assume it’s written in the stars.

So are you going to leave things up to fate, or take things into your own hands?

Seducing Women From Different Cultures

6th April 2020
James Marshall

Seducing Women From Different Cultures

Do culture differences really affect your approach skils?And if yes, does the seduction style you see on our videos will work in your country?

How Much of A Difference Does Culture Make?

One of the most common questions we get from guys here at The Natural Lifestyles is whether or not the seduction style they see on our videos will work in their country.

The most bizarre thing about this question is we’re not getting asked by guys in cultures throughout sub-saharan Africa or the more conservative corners of the Middle East. Instead it’s guys in the Midwest of the USA or Scandinavian cities...as though Swedish women are completely different to all other women on the planet and require a special approach no dating coach has quite mastered!

What’s most important to recognize is that culture is important and can make a difference, but it’s more often than not a creative excuse guys have come up with to avoid having to approach women.

Breaking Down The Differences

Two of the cities we run workshops in, Budapest and Barcelona, are home to dramatically different women.

In Hungary you’ll be meeting very rigid, proud, traditional women commonly found in Eastern European countries, who might find that being approached on the street is unusual but still intriguing enough to stop and listen to what you have to say.

Whilst in Spain you’ll be in an incredibly dynamic, vibrant atmosphere with fiery Latin women for whom being approached on the street is a day to day occurrence and will think little of it.

Now you might say, “but James! This means that it’s harder to approach women in Barcelona because they’re so used to it that you don’t have the novelty on your side!”.

It’s at this point that I have to stop you and ask you to drop in for a moment. Actually connect with what’s happening here. Are you focusing on what really matters? Or are you once again retreating into your head and spinning wheels, attempting to use logic and reason to solve the problem?

See, by focusing on cultures and how that changes the women you’re putting another step in the way between being a guy walking down the street wishing he could approach women and a guy who runs up to that girl and says hello.

You might be in Barcelona and fretting about approaching a girl, knowing that Spanish women are so used to being approached that it’s doomed to fail, only to take action and find out she’s not even from Spain, or Spanish for that matter. Or she could be shy, or introverted, or have grown up in a different part of Spain that makes her not subject to whatever imaginary norms you’ve cooked up in your head.

Coming Back Home To The Moment

All of these deliberations are distracting you from actually doing the one thing you know you need to do, the simplest step you must take; approach more women.

You don’t need to have all the answers, or be able to write a thesis on how women born in the rural part of your country differ from the city girls. All you need to do is approach.

If you’re getting caught up in these mental exercises I’d recommend learning meditation. It’s an ideal tool to notice when you’re coming up with excuses when you’re out infield. If you’ve never learned how to meditate before and have no idea where to start, or have tried but find it hard to apply in practical circumstances like approaching, I’d encourage you to check out my online course, The Marshall Meditation Method.

Over 5 weeks I’ll be guiding you from the ground up, starting with simple exercises to raises your awareness before moving into more complicated exercises helping you to stay grounded and in your body. Learning meditation can often be a complicated and protracted experience filled with chanting and weird hippy stuff, so I’ve specifically designed the Marshall Meditation Method to be a practical ‘man’s man’ guide to meditation. You can begin today by clicking here.

Next time you’re out on the street and you see a beautiful girl, notice if you’re making these kind of excuses. Unless you’re living in the Middle East or an ultra-religious society, I can’t imagine any reason why you shouldn’t at least try to go and approach her. Who knows, she might completely change your perspective on girls from your town/city/country/continent.

Do You Run Out Of Things To Say When Talking To Women?

20th April 2020
James Marshall

Do You Run Out Of Things To Say When Talking To Women?

If you have a fear of rejection and you stuck when you talk to women then you should read this article.

Don’t Let This Simple Problem Stop You From Connecting With Women

One of the greatest fears men have is getting stuck in a conversation with a woman and running out of things to say.

Even if they feel confident enough to approach a woman, whether its on the street, at a work function or a house party, they’ll soon run out of things to say. Eventually it will get awkward, the girl will think they’re weird and they leave before it becomes way too uncomfortable.

The surprising thing is that what you think is the problem, running out of things to say, is the tip of the iceberg of a much bigger problem that most guys don’t even see.

Symptom or Sickness?

Instead of focusing on running out of things to say, we need to instead look at why you’re the one forced to be coming up with things to say in the first place.

If you think back to your interactions with women, what is your intention? What are you trying to do?

Is it more important that you make a good impression? That you demonstrate how clever, or interesting, or valuable you are to her?

Or are you more interested in finding out about her?

If it’s the former, that’s why you’re running out of things to say. The focus becomes “how can I make sure I get this girls number, that she’ll go out on a date with me, that she’ll sleep with me?”. And so everything that you do is about demonstrating why she should like you, which is a LOT of work. Of course you’re going to have to continuously think of new things to say, because otherwise she’ll get bored, think you’re a waste of time and walk off.

In reality displaying how interesting you are isn’t going to get you very far. Women aren’t actively seeking a man who never runs out of things to say.

Instead, they’d much prefer a man who is able to listen.

The Golden Ticket

Instead of trying to come up with things to say, you should instead be focused on listening to her.

Most conversations we have, whether it’s with family or friends or coworkers, involve very little listening. Generally people are just waiting for their turn to talk or to demonstrate how knowledgeable or opinionated they are about the topic being discussed.

So from now on, why not try listening to people? I mean, REALLY listening to them. Actually taking in what a person says and going deeper into the topic, asking a question that shows you’re listening.

In our 5 week online course, the 5 Principles of Natural Seduction, we spend a full 7 days focused on becoming a better listener through the principle of Emotional Connection. It’s really hard to build an emotional connection with a woman if you’re not actually listening to what they’re saying. But if you can listen, and I mean truly listen, you can start to delve deeper into who they are underneath the surface, what is important to them, and ultimately, if their values align with yours. You can get instant access by clicking here

If you actually shut up for a moment and listen to what a woman is saying, you’ll find that you never run out of things to say. Either she’ll say something that will give you a new topic to talk about, or she’ll feel uncomfortable with the silence and ask you a question instead.

How To Escape The Daily Grind

20th April 2020
James Marshall

How To Escape The Daily Grind

Take a moment to think about what you commonly do that gets in your way.

Stuck In the Matrix

Let me ask you something.

Do you get stuck in traffic every morning on your way to a job you hate, just to earn money to buy things that will impress people you don’t even like? How did it end up that way? At what point did you get caught in this loop of living a life for someone else, forsaking your dreams to please other people?

The reality is that most people are living their lives this way, and are missing out on the fundamental and beautiful existence of reality itself. In the western world we’re so caught up in looking for external things to fulfil us. Looking for external proof or evidence that we’re worthwhile as individuals, trying to find the keys to happiness.

This ultimately distracts us from the more important things in life. The important things like connecting to the moment, connecting to friends, learning to get into your body and understanding what it means to be embodied.

My question to you is, who do you really want to become?

Living An Intentional Life

That single question is how you start becoming an artist. I don’t mean a painter or dancer, but someone who taps into the art of life. A man who can generate the life that he wants to live, instead of living in a way that will satisfy the world around you but leave you feeling hollow and empty.

The process to creating that life is not what it often seems. Guys commonly have a desire for an easy path or solution, thinking that with limited practice and effort they will get the outcome they want very fast.

Unfortunately there is no simple 3 step method with a clear expectation outlined at the end. But as you let go of the end result, that thing you’re seeking which will finally make you happy and fulfilled, you can embrace the process for what it is. Learn to accept and have room for challenge, difficulty and growth, all things that accompany any journey.

Part of embracing the process is actually embarking on that journey in the first place. Sadly most guys don’t even bother to work towards what they really want in life. We’ve made it incredibly simple for you to start approaching, which is something I’m sure you’ve always wanted to be able to do, by putting together a 3-Week course called the ‘Dating Accelerator’. Over 3 weeks you’ll be learning the essentials you need to start approaching; no dense theory or pick up lines, but just simple nuts and bolts advice on how to approach her, how to strike up a conversation, how to get her number, and how to take her on a date. Click here to learn more about the Dating Accelerator.

If you want a life that is fulfilling with experiences that make you feel alive, it’s really important to get out of your own way. Recognize that you are the narrator and creator of your own story.

Rewriting The Tale

Take a moment to think about what you commonly do that gets in your way.

Do you think about things too much?

Do you often hesitate before taking action?

Are you scared of risks?

Often these are archaic defense mechanisms we established early on to keep us safe. And we can be thankful for them because they got us to where we are today. But ultimately the question becomes:

Are you ready to let go of your old patterns and start living a new life?

You need to recognize that you’re not stuck in the past any more.

There is a living, breathing moment here, right now, that is open for you to connect with. What are you waiting for?

4 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Today

23rd April 2020
James Marshall

4 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Today

Think about the last 12 months of your life.
Would you say much has changed? Or are you still doing the same thing day in day out, not noticing that time is flying by along with all of the wonderful things in life you’re missing out on?

How To Start Making Change

Think about the last 12 months of your life.

Would you say much has changed? Or are you still doing the same thing day in day out, not noticing that time is flying by along with all of the wonderful things in life you’re missing out on?

Watching The Years Go By

Over years of coaching men from around the world I’ve noticed there are some commonalities that they share despite coming from different walks of life.

One of the most pressing problems is that they aren’t happy with their day to day life.

They’re too busy with their daily grind to figure out what they really want, and even if they know what it is they’re too tired from living on someone else’s time to make it happen.

Is this something you can relate to?

Oftentimes it can feel as though you aren’t really ‘living’ life. By this I mean that you’re doing everything you can just to keep your head above the water so that you don’t get swallowed up by the responsibilities and drama that comes along with being an adult.

Most people working a typical full time job wake up and meander around in the morning before heading to work, and don’t finish until 5 or 6pm. That’s their whole day gone before they can devote any more time to things like fitness, spirituality, and other self improvement.

Yet that time is normally swallowed up by other commitments, or isn’t effectively utilized because they’re simply so tired from work.

How are you supposed to ever change this?

To See Is To Believe

Before you even begin to make any changes, you need to really get clarity on what it is that you need to change, and what that change would look like.

So ask yourself these four questions, right here, right now.

“What Do I Hate In My Life?”

Just be honest about what you don’t like about your life, no matter how harsh or cruel it may seem, no matter what emotions it may bring up.

Next, ask yourself:

“What Do I Wish I Did More Of”

Maybe it’s meditating, or meeting more women, or having sex. What is your life lacking at the moment that you need more of?

Third,

“What Do I Want My Life To Be In One Year?”

One year might seem like a long time, but think back to 12 months ago. What was that like? Has much really changed since then?

Finally, ask yourself:

“What would my perfect day look like?”

If you could do anything you want for one day, what would that be?

Perhaps you’re still reading this article, but haven’t actually taken the time to really ask yourself those questions.

It’s incredibly important that you do, because just being aware of what you actually want is the first step towards change.

Without knowing what you’re going for, you’re really walking blind.

Making The Most Of Your Life

One of the most common regrets people have when they’re on their deathbed is not having the courage to live a life that they truly wanted, instead living the life that others expected of them.

On workshops we really challenge our students to start asking deeper questions about who they are, what they want, and how they want to live their lives.

If these questions have highlighted the fact that you don’t have the abundance of women in life that you really want, the best way to get started on changing that is to sign up for my 3-Week Online Video Course, the Dating Accelerator.

I’ve intentionally designed it to be a practical, no-nonsense introduction to approaching for beginners that will teach you everything you need to know from how to stop a woman on the street, to getting her number and taking her on a date. You can find out more information by clicking here.

It might seem like now isn’t the right time to start. That you’ll make a start as soon as the weather gets better, or once you’ve completed your degree, or after you finish that big project at work.

I’m here to tell you that there is never going to be a ‘right’ time to start. The best time to start was yesterday. You’ve already missed the boat on this, because you could have already taken your first steps towards getting the life you want.If you still haven’t answered those questions, go back and read them again. Grab a pen and paper, and make a commitment to yourself to start making some changes.

When Is It Too Late To Approach A Girl?

24th April 2020
James Marshall

When Is It Too Late To Approach A Girl?

By that I mean after you’ve failed to make eye contact or are sitting in front of her for minutes on the subway?

Perfectionism

If you’ve been watching videos or reading about pick up for some time now, you’ve developed an idea in your head about the ‘perfect’ approach, something like:

Make eye contact. Be direct, don't ask for directions to the nearest Starbucks. Then you have to touch, although not creepily, hold tension, but not too much tension, don’t be anxious, but don’t try to NOT be anxious, and if you are anxious make sure that you’re counteracting that with less anxiety. Oh, and get the number.

See, most men in today’s world are working in roles that require this level of detail.

You need to know the in’s and out’s of a system, how something works, how to build something, or fix it.

Perfectionism is ideal in that context, because it eliminates costly errors.

We don’t want engineers building bridges who say “yeah, that will do, let's get lunch”, and then have it fall down 2 months later.

The ‘Approach Window’

Now in Zsombors case, he’s after the perfect ‘approach window’. That sweet spot where she looks at you, and you look at her, and then she smiles, and you smile, and it’s like it was meant to be.

You might be different though. Maybe you wait until nobody is around before you approach, so it’s less embarrassing.

Or you wait for her to take out her headphones…and keep waiting…then realise she’s got no reason to spontaneously take them out so you can talk to her.

Either way, you’re just not approaching at all because you have this MASSIVE list of all these boxes to check off in your head making it so overwhelming to take any action at all.

And that’s ok. A little forgiveness is needed here, because after all you’re learning something new. You’re transitioning from a framework, this perfectionism habit that you’ve relied on for decades into the new unexplored realm of ‘take action and see what happens’.

It's risky, it's scary, and it could all blow up in your face.

Or, something amazing could happen.

Finding Your Moment

So what’s the next step?

In those moments when you’re looking for an opportunity to present itself, you’re actually stuck in your head making excuses.

You’re giving into the thought that you can’t approach her until X happens, and that thought then becomes true. This is a big part of why we teach meditation to our students on workshops, because it helps them to get out of their head and into the present moment.

I’ve taken everything I’ve learned about meditation from over 10 years of study and practice and condensed it into a 6-week online course called the Marshall Meditation Method that’s designed to teach you how to meditate in a practical, no-nonsense way.

The idea is that it’s nice to sit at home on a cushion and achieve a sense of peace, but you actually need it when you’re out and about in the world. Having coached thousands of students in meditation I’ve developed method that enables you to actually apply this state of mindfulness to stressful situations, like say, oh i don’t know, approaching women after you’ve made eye contact! Click here to learn more about the course.

Ultimately, you need to realise that you’re raising the bar too high by trying to get everything perfect. So instead, lower it. Significantly. Even if the new criteria is 'say hello to beautiful girl'. You can’t get any of the other things on the ‘list’ right, if you haven’t even created the opportunity to do those things.

Why Women Test Men

24th April 2020
James Marshall

Why Women Test Men

If you’ve spent any time exploring the theory and literature behind dating, seduction and ‘pick-up artists’, you’ve likely heard about something called a ‘shit test’.

Shit Tests 101

Let me ask you this. Have you ever had a woman just completely lose interest in you in a very sudden manner? Its likely because you weren’t able to pass a test.

Firstly, there is a surface level of testing that women do. They’ll ask a man what he does for a job, observe how he dresses and grooms himself, all to get a basic sense of what kind of man he is.

But beyond that, she will tease and poke him to see how he responds.

See, some men have the look, the clothes, the pose, and can say the right thing, so for all intents and purposes they seem to be the real deal. However women know there is a difference between appearing confident and being confident.

Therefore they have developed ways of prodding men like this to get a response from them.

Oftentimes they’ll find that the guy they thought was confident is actually really reactive, angers easily, is too nice and apologetic, or prone to being forlorn.

Passing The Test

Women test men because they need to separate the little boys from the men. At some stage in her life she’s dated some guy who on the surface looked like he was the shit, but she eventually found out he was a reactive little boy in a man's body.

You’ll know you’re being tested any time you feel like reacting to something. If you’re self aware enough and in the present moment, you’ll be able to spot those shifts in your own state of being where you suddenly feel on the back foot, as though you feel like defending yourself, or perhaps something you’ve said or done.

Know that if a woman is testing you, it’s a good thing. It means she wants to find out more about you, and part of that is finding out how reactive you are.

Being reactive means how you respond to things that are unexpected or not going your way. Examples include her showing up late to a date, a waiter gets your bill wrong, someone cutting you off in traffic.

This tells her what a relationship with you will be like, whether it’s just dating or something more serious. If you yell and scream when she’s late for a date, or if you shut down when she makes fun of you, it’s going to show her everything she needs to know about what kind of man you are.

A lot of men aren’t even aware they are being reactive, or being tested, and only realize it after the fact. The solution to this isn’t having some pre-planned responses or trying to ‘one-up’ the girl, but instead gaining a deeper sense of awareness through meditation. In my online course, the Marshall Meditation Method, I teach a practical way for men to meditate and carry that feeling of self-awareness into their daily lives.

If you think you’ve failed tests in the past, or can’t even recall a woman ever testing you, those are both clear signs that you need to be more self-aware when interacting with women. You can learn more about the Marshall Meditation Method 6-Week Online Course by clicking here.

Turning The Tables

Just in case you were starting to believe that seduction is so one sided, that it’s unfair that women test men but not the other way around, guess again.

It turns out that men test women too! When you’re walking around in the world you’re constantly testing women on their looks, and the ways that they utilise their beauty.

Their hip-to-waist ratio, the size of their breasts, their clothes, their make-up, their hair colour, how they move their body, and so on.

However, as with women testing men, there are different layers. Testing a woman solely on her looks is still very surface level. Even if she is incredibly hot, you’re still going to have to spend time with that person.

If you’re just starting out, maybe you just want to sleep with hotter girls, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. But after a while you might find you need to lift your standards to make sure you actually enjoy hanging out with her too.

Ultimately the end goal of learning seduction is to be able to have choice, and if you’re actively choosing you need to test women to see if they’re worth dating, which includes more than her being hot.

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