27th May 2020
jonathan

Looking For A New Girlfriend? Don’t Make These Mistakes

5 key rules that guide how you should enter into and engage in relationships

Why should I even have a girlfriend?

If you’ve been following TNL for a while, you’ve probably heard us speaking quite a lot on the topic of romantic relationships. Up until now the majority of this content has been focused on offering men guidance to meet any women they want and be surrounded by multiple lovers. That is because open and casual relationships are something every man craves deeply but, in the majority of cases, never manages to get an understanding of, except for a few lucky encounters. What most guys ignore, though, is that a standard monogamous relationship can be just as, if not more, challenging than a casual affair.

After spending the past 22 years in different kinds of relationships myself and, in the last few, coaching students for TNL on how to have a better dating life, I’ve come to realize that all men need at least some specific guidance when engaging in a classic relationship for two reasons: Firstly, an exclusive relationship makes you experience a very different level of engagement and growth to a casual affair. The level of awareness you can develop by connecting with one partner at a very deep level will make all of your interactions with women improve exponentially. Secondly, like it or not, a monogamous relationship is what brought you here.

Whether to forget a toxic ex that ruined your idea of love, or to learn how to seduce that cute girl that rejected you through high school and college, it is often a relationship with one woman that sets you on this journey of self-improvement. I have learned the hard way how much time you can waste and how much suffering you can generate for yourself and others while stuck in toxic relationships, but you don’t have to. That’s why I created 5 key rules that guide how you should enter into and engage in relationships:

Relationship Rule #1:

Don’t get together with the first person you date

“I married my high school sweetheart” is a common story, but unfortunately many of these relationships break down, sometimes due to the very fact that the people trying to maintain this long-term relationship have no experience of other people and how they work in relationships and, as a result of spending so much time in a relationship, little experience of themselves as a separate person. With a few rare exceptions I would say that you owe it to yourself to explore yourself and a number of others in relationships and use your early years as a period for experimentation and free exploration, rather than trying to get the whole thing sewed up. The motivations for sticking with this kind of relationship are often laziness or a fear of the unknown dating landscape. The big gamble that guys who do stick with their first girlfriend or in a relationship that occurs before any period of experimentation and exploration take is that if the relationship doesn’t work out they hit the worst of all beginner’s hells - the one where later in life, in your early 30s in my case, you suddenly enter the complicated modern dating landscape with almost no experience. I know this hell and so do many of my clients. Don’t go there!

Relationship Rule #2:

Don’t become a serial monogamist

Some people go from relationship to relationship with little or no space of time for healing, reflection, growth or freedom in between. This is known as Serial Monogamy, and like the serial killer the serial monogamist is always looking for his next victim...oops! I meant girlfriend. Personally I can relate to being in a place where it feels secure and good to me to be in a relationship, however, that is simply not a good enough reason for being in one! And the women I was in a relationship with really were victims because they were hoping to stay with me long-term while I was only looking for my next girlfriend. It was so hard not to! Men in particular are attracted to serial monogamy because they enter a kind of desert when a relationship ends. Most men are not able to approach women and find casual sex, and so their sex life simply ends when their ex walks out the door. Women are much more likely to share emotion and touch with each other, but with the end of a relationship a man often no longer has access to either of these things. No wonder the next girlfriend looks so attractive!

Relationship Rule #3:

Don’t date within your social circle

As I just mentioned, guys who ‘cold approach’ women they don’t already know are in the minority. You realise how crazy this is when you start cold approaching. I’ll let you in on a little secret - you could get James’s Five Principles online course and start learning today how to transform yourself into someone who has the confidence and skills to meet women and bring them into your life. The main problems that come from dating people that you already know are scarcity (how many women do you already know who you could possibly date?) and the complications that occur within social circles when people start and end relationships there. When you start approaching and realise that you really can bring completely new people into your life you start to realise that you really could afford to live without the negative effects on your social circles (jealousy from previous relationships within the group, divisions in the social circle when a relationship within it ends, etc.) that can easily come from finding your next girlfriend in your existing network of friends and acquaintances.

Relationship Rule #4:

Don’t mess with your ex

This rule is simple and very hard for many men to achieve (see rule 2). In my own life I’ve been driven to seek out my ex due to the scarcity described above in rule 3, and it never worked out well. The first time I did it I cheated on the girlfriend I had just got back together with within a week. The second time I did it was extremely humiliating because the woman I had broken up with over a year ago could see just how desperate and pathetic I was and how little I had to offer her when I asked her for another chance. As one of the people I interviewed on this topic said, “Once you decide to break up with someone that decision should be final.” You owe it to yourself and those you interact with to be able to work out what you want and stick to it. This can be part of a greater project of self-knowledge that our coaches can help you with either on a live workshop or through online coaching sessions where you deep-dive on things like your sense of self-worth and the mindsets and practices that guide you patterns of behaviour in relation to others.

Relationship Rule #5:

Be aware of your relationship patterns

Self-knowledge and introspection are essential tools to use if you want to start experiencing more joy, satisfaction, fulfilment and peace in relationships. Over the years I have come to create internal and external criteria for assessing what’s happening with me in a serious relationship. I’ve often said that if I’m not learning, growing and healing with a primary partner then we should break up. I’ve also come to use things like the ‘Second Date Rule’ offered by Dr. Robert A. Glover in his book No More Mr Nice Guy. Glover tells his readers to think about the kind of behaviour they put up with in relationships and then ask themselves, “If this kind of behaviour had been shown on the second date, would there have been a third one?” Obviously this rule is not an exact science for assessing what you will and won’t accept from someone you are in a close relationship with but, like I said in rule 4, you owe it to yourself and those you interact with to be able to work out what you want and stick to it. This is also known as setting boundaries and communicating expectations. This is what Glover’s book helps you learn to do and you start by looking at how you could possibly have gotten to a place in your life where you are willing to accept unacceptable behaviour. The ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’ that Glover describes is something that begins in childhood where your needs are not met and, because as a child you are egocentric, you begin to believe that this is because there is something wrong with you. This ‘Toxic Shame’ as Glover calls it, drives you to hide your feelings and needs and try to please others and meet their needs in the hope that they will accept you and in return meet your needs. Nice Guy Syndrome is one among many negative patterns that you can uncover and deactivate if you do take the path of introspection that leads to gaining this kind of self-knowledge.

Book a free consultation with one of our coaches (including me) so we can get the conversation started.

I wish you all the best,

Jon

How To Be More Direct Without Being A D*ck

28th May 2020
James Marshall

How To Be More Direct Without Being A D*ck

James Marshall’s Story

Can you be direct?

Do you know how to ask for what you want? Or do you do nice things and hope people (women specifically) will realize your needs and give them to you? If someone cuts in line or a waiter is rude to you, do you apologize, deflect and stay silent? When a girl you’re dating contradicts you or makes fun of your passion in public, do you let it slide or do you sit her down for a talk? The answer to these individual examples is all encapsulated under the principle of directness.

For a long time, an argument has divided men in the seduction community…

“When approaching women is it better to go DIRECT or INDIRECT?”

A Harsh Truth

Right now most of the world is under some kind of social distancing measures to avoid the spread of the novel coronavirus COVID 19 so no one is approaching anybody. So while we’re all on the bench, it’s a good time to dissect the way you used to relate to women in pre-corona days. And, just as importantly, it’s a good time to start making changes internally so that when you come out of the lockdown cocoon you won’t waste any more of your life. Yes, I am telling you that you have wasted large parts of your life so far. We all did in some ways; spending months or years in toxic relationships, dead-end jobs, addictions, depression, living for other people’s expectations, worrying about things that may never happen. The question is, how much did you waste? A few months, a year in total? We can live with that level of regret. 5 years, 10 years… That is huge chunks of your adult life you can’t get back.

How do I define waste? Were you enjoying your life, were you doing the things you wanted and were you with the people you wanted to be with in healthy, mutually respectful and pleasurable relationships? If the answer for long periods is no then that time was wasted. The truth is if that is a fact for you and you don’t change your internal patterns and external behaviour you will keep wasting big, priceless blocks of your life. I have to be blunt, none of us have any more time for living in denial, distraction or ignorance. It’s time to wake the fuck up.

Don’t ‘do’ direct, ‘be’ direct

Now, where was I…back to seduction technicalities:) When thinking about directness a lot of guys assume that it boils down to walking up to an attractive girl and telling her she’s hot. That is one example of an expression of a direct person but it isn’t directness in the bigger sense. How do I, James Marshall, the biggest supporter of direct game rights in the world, define good direct seduction? Ultimately, approaching women directly just means being honest and expressing why you like them and decided to meet them, versus, for example,"asking for directions" and hoping to covertly attract them in the process.

That’s really it. 10 years of TNL teachings, in a nutshell, presented to you for free. The biggest problem, however, that most of our students face when following this advice, is that they often copy-paste my lines into what they say with the result of being uncalibrated and creeping the girl out, or worse, getting ignored. The words I say aren’t magic, they have no power at all. It is the direct man delivering them, or whatever variation feels natural for him, that makes the difference. If you have been struggling with this in the past, the first thing you need to realize is that…

So how can you develop this trait more without sounding fake or offending people around you? First, start with small steps. Remember, it is all about developing the habit of expressing what you truly desire without too many filters. Next time someone asks your opinion on something, just tell him what you think and don’t worry about being rude. See what it’s like to have a debate, to disagree, to point out the flaw in an argument. Second, learn to embrace the idea of positive confrontation. I’m not suggesting you go out in the street and start a fight with the grocery store clerk, but that when you’re not happy with the way someone is treating you, you just point it out to them and have a constructive conversation about the issue. Third, for a deeper dive into this book a constructive conversation with one of our online coaches and start developing your ability to be direct and get what you want without trampling others and being a dick.

Peace,

James

No Tinder Matches? Read this…

28th May 2020
James Marshall

No Tinder Matches? Read this…

Do you ever struggle to make things happen once you get a woman’s telephone number?

How can text lead to sex?

Do you ever struggle to make things happen once you get a woman’s telephone number? Are you experiencing problems with expressing the full range of your personality through something as limiting as a Tinder bio? As with most social skills, texting requires a good amount of practice to master. But who in this world wants to sit down and have a lengthy typing session, or swipe yes or no to strangers on some app when you can leave the house and interact with so many beautiful females in real life? Personally, although I’ve experimented with every possible way to meet women, I usually tell my guys to not bother with online dating until you’ve got a handle on cold-approach. Why? Because the returns are low and so often it’s used as an excuse not to go out and meet women in real life.

Enter Corona Virus…

In the past month or so society has entered a worldwide domestic lockdown lifestyle, but no matter the circumstances, human nature hasn’t changed. The hot girls you’d normally approach in the street or bars are right now, in a similar way as you are, lonely, bored and horny. This has caused a massive surge in the use of dating apps like Tinder and Instagram (yes, Instagram is a dating site). That's why, in my opinion, there has never been a better time in recent history for a man to explore and master online dating. To help figure out an action plan so you can capitalize on this crazy situation I sat down with dating coach and Ted speaker, the one and only, Hayley Quinn. The great thing about Hayley is that she is not only an incredible dating coach (she’s been walking the beat as long as I have) but she is also a coach who teaches both men and women how to meet more quality partners online, as well as in real life, and this gives her a unique and valuable perspective.

Having a look from both sides of the screen

This was a unique interview in which we explored together both the masculine and feminine perspectives of online dating. Hayley told me about how to select the right profile picture. “What are the deal breakers?” I asked her. She said that we have to face up to the fact that in the social media age our standards for what constitutes a ‘good’ photo of you have radically escalated. Hayley noted that the ladies she coaches seem to have an amazing back catalogue of great photos that their friends have taken of them but not the men. It made me wonder why that is. Could it be part of a general difference between men and women where women are more likely to complement each other, whereas men are more likely to knock each other, even though women may still be as competitive as men at the same time in other ways? I told Hayley how I’ve asked female friends and lovers to let me watch them use Tinder and how they seemed to be so trivial in how they decide who was acceptable based on one photo as they swiped their way through many matches. So how do you avoid getting so easily rejected? What is a ‘good’ profile picture?

“You need a new, high resolution photo of you,” she directed me, as well as urging me to void anything that is going to interfere with your picture being clear, e.g. it was taken at night, you’re in a group, a photo with ‘red-eye’, or where you’re in sunglasses or a hat, “All of which,” Hayley tells me, “ have been statistically proven to ‘ding’ your profile.” Ok, got it. Don’t want to damage the most important part of your profile (your profile pic) with these more obvious errors. Next, you need to figure out what the theme is to your profile, your personal brand. This should be authentic to certain aspects of you. Don’t try to look like some generic hot guy in any style if that really isn’t you. Think about the background of your profile pic and photos in general. Think about the setting. Could she see herself in your photo? Direct sunlight is not good for photos so wait for a cloudy day. Use no more than one photo in the same outfit or at the same location. Not all your photos should be professional photos otherwise it will appear fake. Hayley’s general advice was to look relatively well-dressed and well-organised. Your dating profiles, just like your Instagram should be ‘well-cultivated.’ And yes, Hayley tells me, Instagram is rated and used as a dating site and must be a strong part of your online presence.

Who are you online?

Let’s talk about your online presence for a minute. Hayley told me that you can choose not to have an online presence, but if you are going to have one then it has to work for you and not against you. Do an audit of this part of your life and get rid of things that don’t reflect well on you. Post regularly and make it artful and interesting in some way. Change it regularly, make it different. Look at your profile page on Instagram. Are the images all the same or even mostly similar? Try to include different aspects of your life. It is possible to work an online niche, such as BDSM or photography, and use these as platforms that attract women who are interested in that niche. But before you go trying to set up as the next Instagram photography success just start with getting your friends to take good photos of you when you’re at an event or doing anything interesting so that you have something to use to create an online presence that is worth having, one that works for you by showing you and what you do rather than casting you in a bad light. Female friends, if you have them, are better at taking these photos Hayley claims! Probably had more practice I guess. You need to learn to relax and just pose for the photo. And if your friend won’t take a photo for you then maybe he isn’t really your friend. It’s worth thinking about.

When we talked about what to write on a bio Hayley’s advice was to avoid clichés. According to her, short and strong is better than long and rambling. Avoid being generic with how you describe yourself (what does ‘fun loving’ really mean anyway?) and no more emojis! Those days are over. Hayley’s suggestion was to be more dynamic and seductive by saying something more like “You would win me over if...” or “You should swipe right now if…”

How can text lead to sex?

And then you get to messaging! Everyone’s always looking for the great opening line, but the truth is that there is no one great opening line. It’s the same as in reality where words and phrases that have no charge and are generic have no power, and your message needs to be powerful if even just to stand out from the endless stream of messages that she is receiving that are ignored and forgotten. Hayley advised using a template of good messages in order to deal with the high rate of messaging you have to do in order to deal with the low returns involved with online dating. Having worked for some of these apps she informed me that even the most attractive men on dating apps only get a 35 to 40 percent return rate on their messages. When you look at it from the woman’s perspective you see that she has a large number of options and limited time, and if she’s seeing very low investment from you then she will easily move on. On top of this there’s always the ambiguity involved with the question of whether he’s just using the app for casual dating or if he is interested in, or even just open to, a relationship. Hayley told me about ’hey guys’, guys who just send a stream of heys with no response. The hard fact that Hayley made me aware of is that she has to show investment before you ask her out. Don’t immediately go in for a date otherwise you indicate that you have low standards and will respond kindly to any kind of communication, even lazy, low investment communication, from her.

Something I’ve noticed with sending messages is that it gets boring really quickly when you’re texting with matches and Hayley agreed with me that it can be very difficult to get to know somebody online who you haven’t met in real life. I’m an interesting conversationalist but my conversations are boring online. So how do I keep her interested? Hayley says that actually “How do I keep her interested” is a losing game. You need to balance your interest against hers and keep to your standards throughout this process. “Make your communication intermittent and impactful,” she said. One of the first things I coach guys to do on workshops is to contribute to the conversation and talk about yourself. When I text I don’t use emojis. I use a smile, a wink and …, and supplement that with voice mails in which I talk about what I’m doing/being/feeling and so contribute to the conversation. Hayley agreed that voice mails are great to use every now and then to spice it up and that she gets suspense too of playing the message.

My favorite part of using dating apps is when you stop using them

To close the book for now on online dating I want to say do it but keep seeding for real interaction. Beware the swipe! It can be a useful tool or a video game slot machine sukcing your attention away. Allocate limited time to this and don’t use it all day. When we talked about how you pivot from an app to another platform like Instagram or WhatsApp I told her that I usually just say something like “ I’m not on here much so let’s use whatever.” Hayley replied that there’s only two possible outcomes; one she doesn’t reply, two she objects and you challenge and negotiate. You can, and should be direct, but when you look at how people typically behave on these apps men are like, “Let’s swap details about each other and cut to the chase,” whereas women are more like “Let’s develop a connection.” How you do this is to always ask “What is she trying to show about herself in this message?” Women are quite artful with this at times, and I will often overtly comment on this, on what her communication shows about her. Call her out and don’t lower your standards, this is more for your personal integrity than for your external success.

And, as always, use your time and energy purposefully, and, as with all things online, make it real or get off it.

Peace,

James

Healing Vs Hustling

29th May 2020
James Marshall

Healing Vs Hustling

How to resolve your past pain during lockdown?

I’ve just released a new video that is sending shock waves through TNL networks. Grown men are breaking down and crying, many for the first time in years. If you have opened your inbox in the last month or so you’ve probably been bombarded by masses of life coaches and online educators reminding you to keep working hard and optimizing your lockdown time. Now, I don’t disagree with any of that. It is a good idea to take advantage of this unique moment in history, when the entire world pauses, to pivot your life plan and prepare for what happens next. However, what I also think this long period can offer is an occasion for healing, to go deeper inside of yourself and be real with yourself about what’s under the surface. Be prepared, what you’re going to find is not going to always be positivity and happiness, and, counter-intuitively, that is not a bad thing. It might just save your life.

Today I want to lead you through a thought journey, but to do so, I need you to be in touch with your entire emotional range. The first thing I want to touch base on is the idea of ”Hustle”. We live in a society that greatly celebrates the doers, the hard-workers, the men that become obsessed with their jobs. That’s good overall. At the end of the day, it is thanks to this 20% of people that get shit done that businesses, governments, and society itself keeps functioning. Those are the men who “succeed” on certain metrics, usually material ones. And that’s a big part of what I teach in courses like my Lifestyle Design Academy: how to leverage your networks and relationships to 10x the quality of your dating life, career and lifestyle results. The problem is that, for a lot of men, hustling stops being a means to an end and becomes the end itself. That’s because, like most forms of high-stimulation activities, hard work can be another way to get your dopamine spikes, external validation from friends and colleagues, and overall feeling you’re doing something that’s more important than anything else. This leads you to repress and despise any form of weaknesses like frustration, psychological and emotional pain, or any other negative feeling that can put you out of the constantly positive hustling mindset. On the flip side, is it’s easy to be really down on yourself if you can’t always live up to the extremely high standards of discipline and emotional balance you think you should have all the fucking time. If you recognize yourself in that statement, even a little bit, I suggest you spend a big chunk of your quarantine time starting to heal your inner wounds and acknowledging your past traumas, whether self-inflicted or created by others. The longer you decide to wait and postpone this, the higher the chances they’ll become a permanent part of you, calcifying those wounds into numb scars, anger or cynicism - which you will likely pass on to the next generation if they don’t take you out first.

Dealing with the grief of generations

So, the second thing I want you to realize today is, that it’s okay to feel sad. It is okay to wake up and feel lonely and a bit depressed (especially during Corona). It’s ok to have a tantrum or feel rage (seemingly for no obvious reason) sometimes, as long as you’re not damaging yourself or others around you. You have the privilege and burden of being born in the first generations that finally get to acknowledge their emotional pain and feel it fully. Your father, your grandfather, your frontier ancestor fighting a war, carving out life in a harsh environment, were all too busy copying with big challenges coming from outside. That often boiled down to a life-or-death type of outcome, with little resources left to work through the inner demons and trauma they experienced. That’s why they passed it on to you, they didn’t have the tools or self-awareness to know any better. For the first time, you have the choice of breaking this cycle, to save yourself and whoever comes next. The moment you finally acknowledge the repressed pain inside of you, something else amazing also happens. You begin to notice how almost everyone else is going through similar challenges. This creates an opportunity for you to truly understand what people need and desire in their lives at a very core level. How do you think I am able to empathize with my clients and lead them through their darkness? Because I’ve been to all those dark places too and come out on top. Once you do so and find a way to provide them some help to alleviate their own unique struggles, you’ll become a very valuable person in their lives.

Valuing yourself and others is what matters most

The idea of ”Value” is the last thing I want you to focus on today. Not in the networking brunch sense of the word. I want you to focus on valuing yourself, the shadow sides and the light. If you want to advance faster than anyone else in your workplace hierarchy or if you want to connect with very exclusive and influential people, you must become a valuable person, that is to yourself first. Then you will be able to offer true value to the mentors, friends, women and lifestyle collaborators you want in your life. The process of receiving and providing value tailored to the specific needs of the person in front of you is one of the cornerstones of my Seductive Economy Method and something I cover at great lengths in my Lifestyle Design Academy. What makes LDA completely different from the other lifestyle programs out there is that it comes from a perspective heavily focused on social dynamics and bringing key people into your life to multiply your effects. I will show you how your typical struggles like increasing productivity, finding your unique purpose or improving your inner game can be solved ten times faster when you know how to get access to the right mentors and partners (without spending a dime if you execute properly what I teach you). I will take you by hand and explain to you how to leapfrog over the entry level grind and join any organization you might have an interest in, directly at the top without having to spend years working your way up from the bottom. You’ll learn how to create emissaries and advocates spreading positive messages about you in their own social pyramids and connecting you with the Godfathers & Floating Alphas (this also works in having women referring you to other women for sex).

My Lifestyle Design Academy is essentially the culmination of my life’s work as a social engineer (not a hustler. Yes I work hard but not nearly as hard or as long as guys who try to do it all themselves). It’s the complete system of never-released principles and step by step strategies that I’ve only ever shared with my private 1-on-1 clients (who pay me a crazy amount of money to spend a few days together). If you want to hustle and build connections with others your first step needs to be healing. The good news is that, as well as ultimately helping you connect with others, dealing with your own, personal pain that has been passed on to you from previous generations can be processed and left behind, leaving you with a feeling of...

Peace,

James

How I Went From Living Hell To Ultimate Social Freedom

29th May 2020
jonathan

How I Went From Living Hell To Ultimate Social Freedom

Why is it that some people are able to keep operating, and even thriving, under very adverse conditions while others get destroyed by the obstacles in their path?

Maturity, Emotional Intelligence and Resilience

As you might know from my previous videos I’ve spent most of my adult life teaching other people. First, as an English and Drama teacher, and now most recently as an executive coach for TNL. To my surprise, I immediately noticed how the same mental patterns affecting my teenage students would show up almost unchanged in the more mature and successful men I ended up coaching years later as a seduction teacher. It is not necessarily true that the older you get the more in control of your emotions you become. You often just learn new ways to hide the pain and conflict inside of you and put your best poker face on, so to speak. If you’ve been feeling stuck with repressed psychological and emotional pain for a long time (and believe me when I say it, most of us do) then I want to help you by sharing with you my personal approach to building resilience by working with your thoughts, emotions, and psychology, also known as your Inner Game.

A Mate is A Real Friend

The Australian National Dictionary explains that the Australian usages of mate derive from the British word ‘mate’ meaning ‘a habitual companion, an associate, fellow, comrade; a fellow-worker or partner’, and that in British English it is now only in working-class use.

The first M stands for Mates. They are the people in your life that stick with you through hard times. When seeking Mates I truly recommend you look for people that are able to do at least one thing very well: sit with you and listen to a problem and simply hold the space rather than trying to offer advice, talk about their own problems or try and make the problem seem less than it is. What I’ve learned and what you will learn is that most of your ”friends” will often do these things or just disappear as soon as things are difficult and you need help in life. So value, cherish and seek out true friends. They are indispensable both for your inner growth and in order to face adversities. A true mate will be able to just be there for you, without judgement, without manipulation, just someone who enjoys your company, wants the best for you and is able to bring that out of you in some way.

Mediations are paths to truth

The Second M stands for Meditations. Note the ‘s’ on meditations. Classic meditation is something most of the ”inner game gurus” preach as the ultimate panacea to all world’s problems. I want to distance myself a bit from that. While I still recommend the more traditional forms of meditation, like Vipassana and other breath-work based techniques, you don’t have to sit in silence for 30 minutes every day to experience the benefits of meditation. Things like writing in a journal, reading a poem, dancing to your favorite music or walking in nature, can all work equally well to get you more in tune with your inner world and process your experience, as well as helping you to see reality with more clarity.

Morning is where you seize the day

The Third M stands for Morning Routine. A lot of people, including myself, see enormous benefits in having a regular schedule for their mornings, usually one that involves some type of movement or exercise. This helps you a lot to stay focused on work and other important activities in your life in general as well as during unsettling times. Your morning routine should be focussed around the pleasure of experiencing your body and enhancing its capabilities which will develop ‘natural discipline’. I choose chi gong because it gives me such a large number of physical, energetic and mental benefits as well as feeling really good to do, which keeps me coming back for more. When I complete a chi gong sequence I feel reset and ready for the day, which is the time when I repeat the Fourth M…

Make your own meaning

And finally, the last M stands for Making Meaning. What I want you to get out of this concept is that you must stop looking for ready-made answers in life because frankly, it is very likely you won’t find any that are truly useful for you. Instead, you must develop ways of constructing your own frameworks of meaning that will allow you to see past the disappointments, betrayals and other piles of bullshit that life throws at you. This is one way of seeing freedom – we never have complete control over our circumstances but it’s the way in which we interpret our reality that makes the difference. It’s the difference between being the actor in a bad movie or learning to write your own script instead. Meaning in life goes hand-in-hand with agency, they feed into each other as life progresses. This is where your Inner Game meets the outer reality of engaging with others and the world around you.

These simple principles are all aimed at helping you to engage with the pain and trauma that comes with life and find a way to face adversity successfully.

I wish you resilience,

Jon

The Intoxicating Appeal Of Impossible Love

15th June 2020
alex

The Intoxicating Appeal Of Impossible Love

Why do we always fall for women that are hard to love? Here is the answer…

What’s up!

Alex here,

Today I want to help you with a problem many men are experiencing as we slowly approach the end of the Corona lockdown...

“What should I do if I meet a girl (online or in real life) I feel natural chemistry and attraction towards, but she lives far away in a different city/part of the world?

Is it a good idea to fly over and spend some time together? ”

To really answer this question(and many other relationship-related ones) in-depth, you need to adopt three different perspectives: the dating perspective, the lifestyle design perspective, and the inner game perspective. That's the topic of my latest #AskTheNaturals video, hit the link to check it out.

So, let’s start from the beginning...

Does it make sense in terms of seduction success to fly over and meet a girl you’ve been only texting with most of the time?

If you’re young and have the money and time I’d say yes. No matter the result it makes for a cool adventure and good memory. But before you go for it, I have a couple of recommendations to avoid disappointments…

Set the right expectations

Do not assume stuff about her, but get a genuine feel for her character and personality. For example, if you meet a girl and she “seems” like a very sexual and open-minded female, find a way to validate this idea.

Get her on a phone call and start narrating a little roleplay fantasy to her or have a hot video chat to see how she reacts––use savvy and good calibration skills when doing this. Smart timing makes the difference between a thirsty dude and a potential lover 😉

That’s why I’d generally suggest you visit her and not vice-versa. At least, if you end up not liking each other you’re not stuck together at your place for days, so...

Have some other reasons to visit her city

A short seminar, a business meeting, time to focus on a passion. This way you’ll remove lots of pressure from her and make the whole experience more casual and light-hearted.

Now, if you still perceive it as a big deal and place a lot of importance on the outcome of your visit, you might have a lifestyle design issue.

Let me explain,

If one woman has the power to make you obsessed about getting her at all costs, your problem is not dating-related but lifestyle-related. In short: Your setup needs work.

You need to start thinking about how to surround yourself with enough female energy, potential partners and interesting people to let go of this scarce mindset as a result.

Remember, ultimately being around women––not just lovers, but especially friends, acquaintances, and co-workers–– is what makes you good with women.

The absence of this might lead to a recurring negative relationship pattern...

Always falling for and obsessing over girls that are very hard to love

These girls are the ones that live far away from you and the ones that are too busy to date or commit to someone seriously.

This is a complex topic. But falling into the same pattern again and again might be a by-product of a lack of self-worth and confidence in your abilities to attract and love others and be loved by them.

An impossible situation is much easier to rationalize than suffering from a traditional, and possible relationship. But that’s a big part of your journey and a paradox you really need to come to terms with.

If you have been struggling with all this for a while and want to improve your romantic situation and lifestyle once and for all, I suggest you seek the mentorship of those who have been in your shoes and successfully reversed the odds - the TNL crew. Join us on one of our upcoming live workshops.

Until then, all the best.

Alex

True Masculinity In A Post-Corona World

2nd July 2020
James Marshall

True Masculinity In A Post-Corona World

Modern men are denied a clear call to their masculine hero’s journey and unable to satisfy their most primal instincts. This ”lack“ creates recurring problems in their social, and sexual relationships…

Lacking a clear purpose in life?

As the Corona lockdown eases globally and society goes back to normal, many ambitious men are faced with an important question...

What is the next step?

I spent the last 3 months of quarantine at my property in Portugal, together with some of my fellow TNL coaches and brothers, trying to answer this question.

You see, most guys think the answer is to keep scoring bigger and bigger goals, hoping that one day finally all the effort they put in will make them feel worthy and fulfilled - as if there is a final external goal that when reached, you will feel satisfied and finally at ease with yourself.

If that’s your metric for happiness, you’re likely in for disappointments.

That’s why we see so many celebrities and high-status men becoming addicted to substances and toxic lifestyles when goal chasing trumps enriching immersion - To escape the sense of emptiness that haunts them.

But what is causing this lack?

Living in a luxury cage

Realize that most of us live very privileged lives, especially in terms of human history. We have access to unlimited amounts of food and safe shelter, we spend most of our day in climate-controlled offices sitting in comfy chairs.

This is a very comfortable and safe bubble to live in…

Except that it doesn’t make us truly satisfied, because no matter how good of a life we are living, we still feel the primal call of the wild. We are animals after all.

In each of us, there is a yearning to escape the modern world with everything that entails, even if just for a short time. A deep calling exists to honor our instincts and masculine nature, to journey, to explore, to fight, dance, sing, and fuck.

By ignoring these instincts we don’t allow our subjective senses of entitlement and confidence to develop in the first place, in some senses we are still scared children.

This creates chronic problems in our social, sexual, and internal worlds - whether that manifests as having a hard time making a woman sexually attracted to us or struggling to connect with highly successful guys.

If you want to learn about this process in-depth and discover a method to reclaim your lost masculine power––the most important catalyst for social & sexual success, check this video.

Reclaim your stolen masculine power

For many years, you knew me as James Marshall, the seduction teacher, but experience taught me that, with most of my students, there is a more important deep individual work to be done that must develop in tandem with learning to seduce.

That’s why the first workshop I decided to focus on and teach now that the world opens again is the 8-day Natural Warrior Training happening in September 2020 at Natropia, my private retreat center in Portugal.

I’ve gathered together a team of world-class coaches and specialists in different schools of life enhancement, from movement to ancient sacred medicines and spirituality, to initiate men and reconnect them with the dormant warrior inside of them.

Keep in mind, the Natural Warrior Training is definitely NOT for everyone. You don’t need to be an athlete or experienced in meditation but you do need an attitude of holistic learning.

You must be willing to leave your job, your status, your pride at the gates to Natropia, and embrace your vulnerability, power, and presence.

This is an 8-day intensive journey of deep self-exploration that will completely turn your inner and outer worlds upside down, revealing the root causes of any social, romantic, and purpose issues that you might have, while rapidly enabling you to recreate the way you experience life.

If you think you have what it takes to join NWT, don’t waste further time… The initiation starts in September and more than half of the available spots have already been taken.

Click here to learn more about the Natural Warrior Training

Peace,

James

How To Stop Being Awkward

2nd July 2020
James Marshall

How To Stop Being Awkward

Physical awkwardness and a lack of masculine sensuality and coordination are not inborn, but learned. Here’s how to reverse the process…

The origins of Stiffness

How often do you work to improve your “relaxing skills”?

You see, lots of men dedicate gargantuan amounts of time to improve their appearance, social acumen, and seduction powers, but forgo the most important character trait that ties them all together…

The ability to be at ease with oneself and truly relax in the present moment.

Most of us have a very linear approach to lifestyle success: do more of something––reps, hustle, approaches––to get more of the desired result: a better body, more money & women.

The problem is, this obsessive focus on achieving more in the future creates a lot of tension and stiffness that, unless released, negatively handicaps the way you do things and make you feel, and sometimes appear, as an “awkward” man.

Watch this video to learn more about how to stop being awkward and enter a state of seductive self-expression and awareness.

How to relax more

Truth is that relaxing is quite a complex skillset to learn because most people don’t know what being relaxed actually means, and feels like.

A tense and rigid body will likely stiffen up your mindset and the way you communicate with others, while a supple and strong body will enhance your social success and natural self-expression.

For most of my adult life, I’ve been fascinated and explored several physical & movement disciplines that taught me how to feel my body more and express myself freely and creatively…

Chinese Kung Fu (the raw, unfiltered discipline, as taught me by the last great masters when living for months at the Shaolin Temple), Ido Portal style of movement, Fighting Monkey, Tai Chi, awareness meditation systems, and many more others.

They all tremendously impacted my success with women and personal charm in so many ways I cannot properly acknowledge in such a short email like this. Click HERE to discover what I’m talking about.

In the past 15 years, awareness & physical drills have become a foundational part of my live seduction workshops as a way to help students to “warm-up” and get out of their heads to be more present and sensual when meeting women.

The experience taught me that for many of them the problem of awkwardness extends far more deeply than the physical layer of life. It is connected to a core and more critical issue…

A poorly formed, self-doubting, and emotionally locked-off masculinity and sense of self.

Re-training your mind and body (learning to Flow)

This disconnection from a healthy, grounded and fully embodied masculine power is debilitating in all areas of your life. To ignite your masculine potential, to infuse your body, emotions, and mind with purpose, poise, and power, you need to take a journey of deep self-exploration.

That’s why in the past couple of years I have been experimenting with a new kind of workshop––personally taught by me and a group of élite specialists from different schools of human potential (movement being just one of them)––aimed to work on all these key areas of your hero’s journey and attractive character development…

I called it the Natural Warrior Training.

Being a warrior is much more than toughness, brute force, and resilience…

True power comes from the contrast between strength and fluidity, grace, and explosiveness. You need to be able to be gentle with close ones––empathetic and sensible––along with being a tough man that knows how to confront and quickly dominate negative people.

The next round of NWT starts in October 2020, and more than half of the available spots have already been taken.

If you resonate with all this and want to live a more playful, sensual, and free life without any tension or blockages, click HERE to learn more about the Natural Warrior Training.

Peace,

James

Unleashing The Beast Within

3rd July 2020
James Marshall

Unleashing The Beast Within

Reversing years of being stuck inside your head and not taking action is not easy, but absolutely possible if you follow the right process…

The Foundations of Natural Seduction

Do you know what makes the difference between a real natural seducer and someone pretending to be one through indirect lies and speaking through a mask?

A fake manipulative seducer is just somebody who does not think himself worthy enough to date most beautiful women, and so he tries to win their attention indirectly through well-crafted stories to “display higher value” or buys their time with lavish gifts and experiences.

On the other side, the successful kind of direct natural seduction we teach at TNL is based on one key assumption…

Being able to express your own masculine essence authentically and unapologetically is one of the most attractive qualities a man can display.

You need to understand that when you truly communicate who you are without filters, some women will love you and others will still reject you. It is impossible to please everyone, but it is very possible to have a higher success rate with women that are naturally attracted to your personality and the masculine archetype you embody.

It all starts by experimenting and putting your real self out there to develop a strong intuition for what it really feels like to be YOU.

But that is no easy task, especially when you have accumulated years of living inside your head, losing touch with your body and the present moment and listening to little voices that tell you you’re not good enough.. and what you deserve.

In my latest video, I just released, I and some of my mentors share unique awareness drills to help you get out of your head and start experiencing the world as it is through your senses and body. To see what happens on my exclusive Natural Warrior program in Portugal, click here.

How to develop a Wolf-like Instinct (& Magnetise people)

When your masculine instinct is sharp, confidence, self-trust, and honest self-expression will become accessible as a result. Movement and meditation are excellent tools to get there.

Reintroducing primal movement patterns in your life will help you to become more aware of your body and communicate non-verbally to bypass thought processes that are slowing you down and reconnect with your primitive, warrior instincts faster.

Be wary, these techniques alone will definitely help and serve a great therapeutic effect for the student but are not enough to produce deep core-level change.

That’s because they belong to just one out of six branches of a powerful masculine transformation system and coaching methodology I’ve developed over the past 12 years called the Natural Warrior Training.

NWT is a week-long élite program I personally host twice per year at Natropia, my private property in Portugal. The aim is to set you on the path to becoming a highly evolved, supple and joyful man, and to develop the ability to progress not only at the societal level of success (women, money, outward achievements) but on to continual personal evolution, feeling vital, clear-headed, emotionally stable and expressive.

I created it with the specific purpose of answering the most urgent question in the tricky ––sometimes even dangerous––landscape of modern masculinity…

What goes into becoming a strong, attractive, and independent man in 2020?

If this is something that interests you and you want to know the answer, you have to act NOW!

The next round of NWT starts in October 2020, and more than half of the available spots have already been taken.

Click HERE to learn more about the Natural Warrior Training.

I hope to see you in Portugal at my house, ready to embark on a truly life-transforming mission together.

Peace,

James

Afraid Of Creeping Girls Out? Read this

3rd July 2020
alex

Afraid Of Creeping Girls Out? Read this

Women suffer from approach anxiety too. Here is how to handle it…

Approach Anxiety: a female perspective

Often when I coach guys on how to meet gorgeous girls in the street, they feel shy and anxious at the idea of talking to attractive strangers.

It applies to both ends.

What most men ignore is that during the approach, most times, they’re not the only ones feeling anxiety…

Women feel it too!

If a guy is direct and projects his masculine intent the right way in the first few seconds of the interaction, the girl will be positively surprised and attracted, but, on some occasions, also a bit intimidated.

Your duty as a seducer is to help her to feel calmer and more at ease about meeting you.

Tension is a great tool to master to spark arousal and excitement in a conversation but to make it really effective you need to mix it with another important quality: calibration.

In my latest video––handpicked from TNL’s private past workshop infield archive––I take two of my courageous students in sunny Barcelona throughout their first-ever live infield session.

You’ll see how they create tension during the first approaches, and how I help them to reduce it in the next ones to make the girls more relaxed about meeting them.

Just click HERE to watch it.

How to become a more calibrated Seducer

If this is a sticking point you’re personally experiencing in your interactions with women and you’re ready to make the best out of dating life and ignite your personal transformation, now that things are slowly easing out…

Check out our new updated tour workshop dates by clicking HERE.

My next 4-day intensive seduction workshop is already happening on August 13-16th 2020 in Budapest, Hungary, and there is only ONE spot left to join.

We closely monitored the global situation, tourist flows, and health recommendations to make sure everyone can have a complete, and safe, life-changing experience.

You also have the opportunity to speak directly to me, or one of the coaches over a free-consultation call to make sure the coaching fits your own unique situation and challenges and design a personal seduction & lifestyle curriculum for a post-Corona world.

Just click HERE to get started.

Talk to you soon.

Alex

Looking For A New Girlfriend? Don’t Make These Mistakes

Why should I even have a girlfriend?

Relationship Rule #1:

Don’t get together with the first person you date

Relationship Rule #2:

Don’t become a serial monogamist

Relationship Rule #3:

Don’t date within your social circle

Relationship Rule #4:

Don’t mess with your ex

Relationship Rule #5:

Be aware of your relationship patterns

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How To Be More Direct Without Being A D*ck

The True Cure for Approach Anxiety

How To Be More Direct Without Being A D*ck

Can you be direct?

“When approaching women is it better to go DIRECT or INDIRECT?”

A Harsh Truth

Don’t ‘do’ direct, ‘be’ direct

Directness is not an opener

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No Tinder Matches? Read this…