I know people are busy but today I just want to answer a simple but important question:
Why is it that some people are able to keep operating, and even thriving, under very adverse conditions while others get destroyed by the obstacles in their path?
In other words, how can you keep going and even grow in strength when life gets tough? And, of course, is being able to keep going, and even do well as a result, something you can learn to do?
Maturity, Emotional Intelligence and Resilience
As you might know from my previous videos I’ve spent most of my adult life teaching other people. First, as an English and Drama teacher, and now most recently as an executive coach for TNL. To my surprise, I immediately noticed how the same mental patterns affecting my teenage students would show up almost unchanged in the more mature and successful men I ended up coaching years later as a seduction teacher. It is not necessarily true that the older you get the more in control of your emotions you become. You often just learn new ways to hide the pain and conflict inside of you and put your best poker face on, so to speak. If you’ve been feeling stuck with repressed psychological and emotional pain for a long time (and believe me when I say it, most of us do) then I want to help you by sharing with you my personal approach to building resilience by working with your thoughts, emotions, and psychology, also known as your Inner Game.
The 5 Ms Of Inner Game
The way I’m going to do so is by introducing you to what I call the ”5 Ms Of Inner Game”. These are a number of selected key areas of your life and tools that you can use to start and develop an independent Inner Game and self-growth practice for resilience as soon as you’re done reading this.
A Mate is A Real Friend
The Australian National Dictionary explains that the Australian usages of mate derive from the British word ‘mate’ meaning ‘a habitual companion, an associate, fellow, comrade; a fellow-worker or partner’, and that in British English it is now only in working-class use.
The first M stands for Mates. They are the people in your life that stick with you through hard times. When seeking Mates I truly recommend you look for people that are able to do at least one thing very well: sit with you and listen to a problem and simply hold the space rather than trying to offer advice, talk about their own problems or try and make the problem seem less than it is. What I’ve learned and what you will learn is that most of your ”friends” will often do these things or just disappear as soon as things are difficult and you need help in life. So value, cherish and seek out true friends. They are indispensable both for your inner growth and in order to face adversities. A true mate will be able to just be there for you, without judgement, without manipulation, just someone who enjoys your company, wants the best for you and is able to bring that out of you in some way.
Mediations are paths to truth
The Second M stands for Meditations. Note the ‘s’ on meditations. Classic meditation is something most of the ”inner game gurus” preach as the ultimate panacea to all world’s problems. I want to distance myself a bit from that. While I still recommend the more traditional forms of meditation, like Vipassana and other breath-work based techniques, you don’t have to sit in silence for 30 minutes every day to experience the benefits of meditation. Things like writing in a journal, reading a poem, dancing to your favorite music or walking in nature, can all work equally well to get you more in tune with your inner world and process your experience, as well as helping you to see reality with more clarity.
Morning is where you seize the day
The Third M stands for Morning Routine. A lot of people, including myself, see enormous benefits in having a regular schedule for their mornings, usually one that involves some type of movement or exercise. This helps you a lot to stay focused on work and other important activities in your life in general as well as during unsettling times. Your morning routine should be focussed around the pleasure of experiencing your body and enhancing its capabilities which will develop ‘natural discipline’. I choose chi gong because it gives me such a large number of physical, energetic and mental benefits as well as feeling really good to do, which keeps me coming back for more. When I complete a chi gong sequence I feel reset and ready for the day, which is the time when I repeat the Fourth M…
With a mantra you speak yourself into being
The Fourth M stands for Mantra. I know what you’re thinking… but rest assured, I don’t want you to stand in front of the mirror and repeat to yourself ”I am awesome” for minutes on end. The goal of a Mantra is to clarify and focus your personal purpose and what you seek to bring to and get out of life. My own Mantra is…
Just for today allow peace and harmony in body, mind and energy
Be filled with gratitude
Dedicate yourself to work and yet, see it as play
And, be kind to all living things, including yourself
Make your own meaning
And finally, the last M stands for Making Meaning. What I want you to get out of this concept is that you must stop looking for ready-made answers in life because frankly, it is very likely you won’t find any that are truly useful for you. Instead, you must develop ways of constructing your own frameworks of meaning that will allow you to see past the disappointments, betrayals and other piles of bullshit that life throws at you. This is one way of seeing freedom – we never have complete control over our circumstances but it’s the way in which we interpret our reality that makes the difference. It’s the difference between being the actor in a bad movie or learning to write your own script instead. Meaning in life goes hand-in-hand with agency, they feed into each other as life progresses. This is where your Inner Game meets the outer reality of engaging with others and the world around you.
These simple principles are all aimed at helping you to engage with the pain and trauma that comes with life and find a way to face adversity successfully.
I wish you resilience,