Can you be direct?
Do you know how to ask for what you want? Or do you do nice things and hope people (women specifically) will realize your needs and give them to you? If someone cuts in line or a waiter is rude to you, do you apologize, deflect and stay silent? When a girl you’re dating contradicts you or makes fun of your passion in public, do you let it slide or do you sit her down for a talk? The answer to these individual examples is all encapsulated under the principle of directness.
For a long time, an argument has divided men in the seduction community…
“When approaching women is it better to go DIRECT or INDIRECT?”
A Harsh Truth
Right now most of the world is under some kind of social distancing measures to avoid the spread of the novel coronavirus COVID 19 so no one is approaching anybody. So while we’re all on the bench, it’s a good time to dissect the way you used to relate to women in pre-corona days. And, just as importantly, it’s a good time to start making changes internally so that when you come out of the lockdown cocoon you won’t waste any more of your life. Yes, I am telling you that you have wasted large parts of your life so far. We all did in some ways; spending months or years in toxic relationships, dead-end jobs, addictions, depression, living for other people’s expectations, worrying about things that may never happen. The question is, how much did you waste? A few months, a year in total? We can live with that level of regret. 5 years, 10 years… That is huge chunks of your adult life you can’t get back.
How do I define waste? Were you enjoying your life, were you doing the things you wanted and were you with the people you wanted to be with in healthy, mutually respectful and pleasurable relationships? If the answer for long periods is no then that time was wasted. The truth is if that is a fact for you and you don’t change your internal patterns and external behaviour you will keep wasting big, priceless blocks of your life. I have to be blunt, none of us have any more time for living in denial, distraction or ignorance. It’s time to wake the fuck up.
Don’t ‘do’ direct, ‘be’ direct
Now, where was I…back to seduction technicalities:) When thinking about directness a lot of guys assume that it boils down to walking up to an attractive girl and telling her she’s hot. That is one example of an expression of a direct person but it isn’t directness in the bigger sense. How do I, James Marshall, the biggest supporter of direct game rights in the world, define good direct seduction? Ultimately, approaching women directly just means being honest and expressing why you like them and decided to meet them, versus, for example,"asking for directions" and hoping to covertly attract them in the process.
That’s really it. 10 years of TNL teachings, in a nutshell, presented to you for free. The biggest problem, however, that most of our students face when following this advice, is that they often copy-paste my lines into what they say with the result of being uncalibrated and creeping the girl out, or worse, getting ignored. The words I say aren’t magic, they have no power at all. It is the direct man delivering them, or whatever variation feels natural for him, that makes the difference. If you have been struggling with this in the past, the first thing you need to realize is that…
Directness is not an opener
What I mean by that is that you cannot transition from being a very reserved, non-confrontational, wallflower type of guy for most of your life to a fearless seducer just by using one line. Directness is an attitude, a way of living. It’s not something that you have to do in order to get the girl. Rather, it’s the way you approach life, as a man who knows what he wants from it (or at least is on the resolute path to find out).
So how can you develop this trait more without sounding fake or offending people around you? First, start with small steps. Remember, it is all about developing the habit of expressing what you truly desire without too many filters. Next time someone asks your opinion on something, just tell him what you think and don’t worry about being rude. See what it’s like to have a debate, to disagree, to point out the flaw in an argument. Second, learn to embrace the idea of positive confrontation. I’m not suggesting you go out in the street and start a fight with the grocery store clerk, but that when you’re not happy with the way someone is treating you, you just point it out to them and have a constructive conversation about the issue. Third, for a deeper dive into this book a constructive conversation with one of our online coaches and start developing your ability to be direct and get what you want without trampling others and being a dick.