How To Connect With Women By Being Yourself

Perspectives from the TNL coaches

You know that feeling?

The summer of love and rainbows is over.

For most men, autumn is either a celebration of connection and mutual growth with the right woman or a cold realization that they settled for an average girl who was the safest option and whom they have nothing in common with. But what should you do if you find yourself falling into the latter, or worse you have no women in your life at all at the moment?

What do you do to get a really great woman into your life?

First, realize that you are surrounded by plenty of options on a daily basis, whether on your way to work, in the library, cafes or at the gym.

Second, go and talk to them.

But as our coaches know, you’re going to be taking this on from a number of levels.

If you’re anywhere like most guys when starting this, though, on one level you probably just feel very stifled at the idea of going to approach complete strangers and experiencing awkward conversations. In all these years of teaching seduction, running out of things to say is one of those common issues that we have to work on with most of our students. Usually a student is ‘running out of things to say’ because he is trying to find the right thing to say in some way, rather than just allowing the conversation to unfold and follow the process of the two of you getting to know each other.

The truth is that creating a great connection with a girl is a lot less about the exact words you say and more about getting to know each other and letting your individual energies bond together.

Alex

Now, on another level, as our Inner Game wizard Shae Matthews would tell you, many of you are preventing such a connection from happening in the first place by putting a lot of expectations on both yourself and the girl about how things should happen and what a good interaction should look like. For example, you might have heard from somebody that women are not attracted to nice guys and now, every time you talk to a girl, you put on a mask pretending to be “The Bad Boy”.

Such a rigid mindset can make your relationships toxic and dysfunctional, so I encourage you to develop a more flexible ideology and engage with new people with an open mind in order to reach a higher perspective of truth.

Shae

 

Now, let’s say you’re one of those men that are humble enough to admit they need to learn from scratch how to approach the ladies and you’re willing to keep an open mind while going through the process. Then, the next question you might have is: how do I learn this? The solution most guys find is to ask for advice from their more successful peers or to go and attend courses with so-called “gurus”. Unfortunately, most of those people will only offer you small pieces of technical advice, telling what to do (hopefully they know) in certain situations and how to do it (usually based on only their own personal experience), but not explaining to you the why of the whole process. A surprising truth that I’ve learned by teaching seduction to men like you for more than ten years is that a technical toolkit of seduction skills that works for me will often not produce the same results for others. Once you internalize the five key principles that I have identified, as opposed to a grab bag of techniques, you can develop your own set of approaches to how you engage in these interactions.

What is truly next level is to find yourself a coach that will not only give you drills surrounding these principles and send you to talk to dozens of girls with some feedback, but one that will also be skilled enough to set you up as a self-directed learner. And by that, I mean teaching you to rely more on your natural intuition and less on external feedback to develop your seduction and social skills. A prime example of this teaching methodology is our Executive Coach and my dear friend Jonathan Thomsen with his Play philosophy, which is focused on a number of concepts including developing a sense of child-like wonder, learning through experimentation, using acting skills like improv and voice development and trying to remember the most important thing of all - to have fun: 

Play makes everything fun, so everything is effortless and enjoyable regardless of the outcome. Play allows for experimentation and development. Playing with the body means developing the body as a finely tuned instrument like a performer does. Play is central to learning and when you are a self-directed learner you can make your own rules. That’s the whole point really - to play with reality and enjoy that process of creation.

Jonathan

 

A TNL workshop is a unique transformative experience. On one side it is a deep dive into your psyche to identify what is blocking you from enjoying meaningful connections with people and expressing your most natural masculine self with women. On the other, it’s a complete exploration of the TNL system of Natural Seduction, all while learning to implement this system in the real world, day and night. Some men, however, no matter how many beautiful women they date or how much wealth they accumulate, still have a sense of unworthiness and lack of purpose. If you’re one of them, the core issue is much less how to communicate with people but how you feel about yourself and how able you are to rally internal resources to be effective in the world, whilst being kind and nurturing to yourself. That’s why I created the Natural Warrior Training, to help men reconnect to their wild nature, heal old traumas, reclaim their manhood and truly express themselves on all levels.

What NWT does is provide you with an intense experience of ancient tribal initiations blended with modern personal enhancement systems. I’ve assembled a team of world class-specialists, from movement, mental and spiritual schools, in order to provide an intense and deep upgrade in the men who join. If you’re looking to reconnect with your primal nature, discover your true purpose and experience a real sense of belonging to a powerful tribe this is the workshop for you.

James

 

TNL has always had a holistic approach to dating, approaching and all the aspects of lifestyle design and inner work that go with the process of becoming an empowered man who engages well with women and can build a dynamic and supportive social circle for himself. Each of the coaches brings a unique perspective and challenges you on far more than just the superficial level where technique-based seduction schools operate. TNL means principle-based learning, an attempt to understand the underlying core dynamics of the interaction between a man and a woman. TNL means Natural game in the fullest sense of the word, in that you are discovering and mastering yourself and your relationships with others on the deepest levels.

What do you do to get a really great woman into your life?

Develop yourself as a really great man and discover your true worth in the process.

She’s out there somewhere...

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You’re Not Boring!

How I Went From Living Hell To Ultimate Social Freedom

Why is it that some people are able to keep operating, and even thriving, under very adverse conditions while others get destroyed by the obstacles in their path?

I know people are busy but today I just want to answer a simple but important question:

Why is it that some people are able to keep operating, and even thriving, under very adverse conditions while others get destroyed by the obstacles in their path?

In other words, how can you keep going and even grow in strength when life gets tough? And, of course, is being able to keep going, and even do well as a result, something you can learn to do?

 

Maturity, Emotional Intelligence and Resilience

As you might know from my previous videos I’ve spent most of my adult life teaching other people. First, as an English and Drama teacher, and now most recently as an executive coach for TNL. To my surprise, I immediately noticed how the same mental patterns affecting my teenage students would show up almost unchanged in the more mature and successful men I ended up coaching years later as a seduction teacher. It is not necessarily true that the older you get the more in control of your emotions you become. You often just learn new ways to hide the pain and conflict inside of you and put your best poker face on, so to speak. If you’ve been feeling stuck with repressed psychological and emotional pain for a long time (and believe me when I say it, most of us do) then I want to help you by sharing with you my personal approach to building resilience by working with your thoughts, emotions, and psychology, also known as your Inner Game.

 

The 5 Ms Of Inner Game

The way I’m going to do so is by introducing you to what I call the ”5 Ms Of Inner Game”. These are a number of selected key areas of your life and tools that you can use to start and develop an independent Inner Game and self-growth practice for resilience as soon as you’re done reading this.

 

A Mate is A Real Friend

The Australian National Dictionary explains that the Australian usages of mate derive from the British word ‘mate’ meaning ‘a habitual companion, an associate, fellow, comrade; a fellow-worker or partner’, and that in British English it is now only in working-class use.

The first M stands for Mates. They are the people in your life that stick with you through hard times. When seeking Mates I truly recommend you look for people that are able to do at least one thing very well: sit with you and listen to a problem and simply hold the space rather than trying to offer advice, talk about their own problems or try and make the problem seem less than it is. What I’ve learned and what you will learn is that most of your ”friends” will often do these things or just disappear as soon as things are difficult and you need help in life. So value, cherish and seek out true friends. They are indispensable both for your inner growth and in order to face adversities. A true mate will be able to just be there for you, without judgement, without manipulation, just someone who enjoys your company, wants the best for you and is able to bring that out of you in some way.

Mediations are paths to truth 

The Second M stands for Meditations. Note the ‘s’ on meditations. Classic meditation is something most of the ”inner game gurus” preach as the ultimate panacea to all world’s problems. I want to distance myself a bit from that. While I still recommend the more traditional forms of meditation, like Vipassana and other breath-work based techniques, you don’t have to sit in silence for 30 minutes every day to experience the benefits of meditation. Things like writing in a journal, reading a poem, dancing to your favorite music or walking in nature, can all work equally well to get you more in tune with your inner world and process your experience, as well as helping you to see reality with more clarity.

 

Morning is where you seize the day

The Third M stands for Morning Routine. A lot of people, including myself, see enormous benefits in having a regular schedule for their mornings, usually one that involves some type of movement or exercise. This helps you a lot to stay focused on work and other important activities in your life in general as well as during unsettling times. Your morning routine should be focussed around the pleasure of experiencing your body and enhancing its capabilities which will develop ‘natural discipline’. I choose chi gong because it gives me such a large number of physical, energetic and mental benefits as well as feeling really good to do, which keeps me coming back for more. When I complete a chi gong sequence I feel reset and ready for the day, which is the time when I repeat the Fourth M…

 

With a mantra you speak yourself into being

The Fourth M stands for Mantra. I know what you’re thinking… but rest assured, I don’t want you to stand in front of the mirror and repeat to yourself ”I am awesome” for minutes on end. The goal of a Mantra is to clarify and focus your personal purpose and what you seek to bring to and get out of life. My own Mantra is…

 

Just for today allow peace and harmony in body, mind and energy

Be filled with gratitude

Dedicate yourself to work and yet, see it as play

And, be kind to all living things, including yourself

 

Make your own meaning

And finally, the last M stands for Making Meaning. What I want you to get out of this concept is that you must stop looking for ready-made answers in life because frankly, it is very likely you won’t find any that are truly useful for you. Instead, you must develop ways of constructing your own frameworks of meaning that will allow you to see past the disappointments, betrayals and other piles of bullshit that life throws at you. This is one way of seeing freedom – we never have complete control over our circumstances but it’s the way in which we interpret our reality that makes the difference. It’s the difference between being the actor in a bad movie or learning to write your own script instead. Meaning in life goes hand-in-hand with agency, they feed into each other as life progresses. This is where your Inner Game meets the outer reality of engaging with others and the world around you.

These simple principles are all aimed at helping you to engage with the pain and trauma that comes with life and find a way to face adversity successfully.

I wish you resilience,

Jon

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Healing Vs Hustling

The Intoxicating Appeal Of Impossible Love

Why do we always fall for women that are hard to love? Here is the answer…

What’s up!

Alex here,

Today I want to help you with a problem many men are experiencing as we slowly approach the end of the Corona lockdown...

“What should I do if I meet a girl (online or in real life) I feel natural chemistry and attraction towards, but she lives far away in a different city/part of the world? 

Is it a good idea to fly over and spend some time together? ”

To really answer this question(and many other relationship-related ones) in-depth, you need to adopt three different perspectives: the dating perspective, the lifestyle design perspective, and the inner game perspective. That's the topic of my latest #AskTheNaturals video, hit the link to check it out.

So, let’s start from the beginning...

Does it make sense in terms of seduction success to fly over and meet a girl you’ve been only texting with most of the time?

If you’re young and have the money and time I’d say yes. No matter the result it makes for a cool adventure and good memory. But before you go for it, I have a couple of recommendations to avoid disappointments…

Set the right expectations

Do not assume stuff about her, but get a genuine feel for her character and personality. For example, if you meet a girl and she seems like a very sexual and open-minded female, find a way to validate this idea.

Get her on a phone call and start narrating a little roleplay fantasy to her or have a hot video chat to see how she reacts––use savvy and good calibration skills when doing this. Smart timing makes the difference between a thirsty dude and a potential lover 😉

 

 

That’s why I’d generally suggest you visit her and not vice-versa. At least, if you end up not liking each other you’re not stuck together at your place for days, so...

Have some other reasons to visit her city

A short seminar, a business meeting, time to focus on a passion. This way you’ll remove lots of pressure from her and make the whole experience more casual and light-hearted.

Now, if you still perceive it as a big deal and place a lot of importance on the outcome of your visit, you might have a lifestyle design issue.

Let me explain,

 

If one woman has the power to make you obsessed about getting her at all costs, your problem is not dating-related but lifestyle-related. In short: Your setup needs work.

 

You need to start thinking about how to surround yourself with enough female energy, potential partners and interesting people to let go of this scarce mindset as a result.

Remember, ultimately being around women––not just lovers, but especially friends, acquaintances, and co-workers–– is what makes you good with women.

The absence of this might lead to a recurring negative relationship pattern...

Always falling for and obsessing over girls that are very hard to love

These girls are the ones that live far away from you and the ones that are too busy to date or commit to someone seriously. 

This is a complex topic. But falling into the same pattern again and again might be a by-product of a lack of self-worth and confidence in your abilities to attract and love others and be loved by them.

An impossible situation is much easier to rationalize than suffering from a traditional, and possible relationship. But that’s a big part of your journey and a paradox you really need to come to terms with.

If you have been struggling with all this for a while and want to improve your romantic situation and lifestyle once and for all, I suggest you seek the mentorship of those who have been in your shoes and successfully reversed the odds  - the TNL crew. Join us on one of our upcoming live workshops.

Until then, all the best.

Alex

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How I Went From Living Hell To Ultimate Social Freedom

Sorry, I have a boyfriend…

Can you seduce women who are in committed relationships? If so, what are the methods to effectively handle the most common objection in Seduction? Read this to find out

Four words no man wants to hear

If you have been living and breathing seduction for several years as I have, you probably know that the better you get, and the more dates you’ve been on, the more you can start to sort of see through the Matrix and predict” female behavior.

Every time a girl gives you trouble, you can refer to this huge mind-bank of past seductions and answer in a way that moves things forward.

But in my experience as a TNL coach, there is one situation when both total beginners and even more advanced guys become confused and don't know what to do...

The moment when the adorable girl they just stopped in the street cuts them off with four very feared words:

I have a boyfriend

These words have been confusing men into researching the most effective & sneaky strategies to seduce women who are in committed relationships since the dawn of time.

Usually, guys see this as a very black-and-white kind of scenario…

Either she’s open to cheating on her partner, and so there’s reason to continue the interaction, or she is loyal, you’re totally wasting your time and should retreat immediately.

Let’s analyze all your options briefly…

When it comes to successfully seducing girls in relationships you will often encounter three types of scenarios.

The first scenario is a girl who doesn’t mention her boyfriend at all, or briefly talks about him but keeps being flirtatious and acting as if she was single and available.

With this kind of girl, all you need to do is treating like a normal seduction without making a big deal out of her relationship status. 

That means proposing her the idea of a date, taking her number, and then hitting her up to organize the meet up without mentioning the boyfriend AT ALL.

The second kind of situation you might find yourself in is a girl who is obviously attracted, happy, and turned on at the idea of dating you but feels a bit guilty about going on a date with another man

The key here is leaving the girl time to get to know you and relax in your presence, so she can make the best decision possible for herself without you forcing it on her in any way.

In this case, I recommend you do not put lots of pressure on her by organizing a very romantic date in a cool bar at candlelight, but treat the whole experience as something very relaxed and light-hearted (e.g go for a tea, or just have a cool walk around the city).

No matter how good you are, many women will still say NO

Finally, you will also meet plenty of women who are very loyal and adamant about not cheating on their partner.

While in this case, you have very little room to maneuver and nothing romantic or sexual might happen in the short-term, you can still gain many incredible benefits by befriending a girl in a serious relationship.

For example, she can become your wing-girl, a business collaborator, a gatekeeper to more hot women, and even a future lover, if you know how to handle her.

This is the topic of my latest video I just released: what to do when she has a boyfriend.

Check it out by clicking on this link.

Hope this more advanced kind of content helps you and inspires you to try new things in order to become a more attractive guy and waste no good opportunities.

If you want to take your progress to the next level and truly transform yourself from the ground-up into the best seducer you can be, you can join one of my upcoming 4 or 10-day Residential workshops.

The TNL team, including myself, offer the most élite and comprehensive seduction & lifestyle design curriculum available to man in 2020 including, but not limited to, areas like Meditation, Inner Game, Approach Systems, Texting, Date Protocols, Sexuality, etc.––with a 2:1 student-to-instructor ratio, currently unmatched in the industry.

Click HERE to check the next training opportunities.

Talk to you soon,

Alex

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