Why Sex Is Hard To Talk About
How comfortable are you talking about sex with a woman you’re attracted to?
In today’s video I sat down with Theodora, one of our role-play models here at The Natural Lifestyles who joins us on workshops to work 1 on 1 with guys, helping them to be more comfortable expressing themselves sexually.
After coaching guys for many years I’ve observed a whole bunch of strategies that guys have to deal with the pressure that comes along with talking about sex.
But where does this pressure come from? I mean, nobody feels awkward about discussing their favourite movie, or what they typically order at Starbucks.
So why should sex be any different?
Misguided Beliefs About Sex
A large part of it has to do with sex being so taboo. After all, most of us are living in societies founded on religions which had strict views on sex. These have then evolved into social norms and stigmas about what is and isn’t acceptable.
And maybe part of it has to do with our evolutionary biology and the way we evolved to interact with each other socially.
But instead of delving into the theory side of things it's much more productive to talk about how this shows up in your life, and what to do about it.
One of the core areas I focus on in my online course,Sex God Masterclass, is your beliefs about sex. Whether or not you’ve ever explored this realm of your psyche I can guarantee they’re influencing how you act around women you want to sleep with, and as a result, how much sex you have.
If you’re interested in having an expert guide you through this process of self-discovery and give you the tools you need to change your beliefs, you can learn more about the course by clicking here.
Whatever the cause may be, talking about sex with a girl who you’re not currently sleeping with brings with it a degree of tension. You’re not sure if what you’re saying will offend her, or if it's rude to talk about it, or how that will affect your chances on sleeping with her in the future.
This underlying tension will then influence how you talk about sex.
“Just Act Natural”...
As humans we naturally shy away from anything that brings discomfort. So when you find yourself in a situation where sex is being discussed, maybe because you’re in a group discussion with her friends, or you pass by a lingerie store and she comments on a piece she likes, that discomfort will instantly hit you, forcing you to respond.
Some guys will ignore the topic altogether. Maybe they’ll say “oh, I don’t really like it, but I guess if it’s your thing that’s fine”. In essence this is a rejection of her expression of her sexuality. She’s trying to share her sexual world with you, and you’re basically saying “no thanks”.
Other guys will try to diffuse the tension through humour. Making crude jokes like “yeah, one time I saw a stripper wearing a piece just like” which, whilst alleviating the tension, again shuts down her invitation to talk about sex with you.
The best response is to act is a natural way.
Easier said than done, right?
I’m not going to give away all of my secrets today, but I want to assure you that there is room for growth here. Once you’re able to express your sexuality in a way that feels natural to you, you’re going to be opening up a lot of doors with the women you come across in life.
You’ll be able to show that you’re not embarrassed by sex, that you’re not ashamed of your sexual urges, and when it comes to being in the bedroom she’ll know it’s not going to be an awkward experience where you’re constantly making jokes to ease the tension, or even shaming her for sleeping with you.