The Everyday Conversation Nobody Wants To Have
Conversations can be tough, that’s for sure. I’m going to run a little script by you, and tell me if it sounds familiar:
So…tell me…what do you…uh…what do you do for work?
Where are you from?
Right. That’s cool. I’ve been there.
What did you study?
Ah, got it. Yep
……and for how long?
This is the typical conversation I hear most guys having with women when they first join us on a workshop. But an even deadlier sin than this is failing to talk about themselves at all. THEN they ask a woman for her number, and I can only imagine what’s running through her head:
“Ummm….who the hell are you?”
I get that it can be really hard to talk about yourself.
When you think back over the course of your life, you’ve been trained to ask these questions and to value this information by everyone you’ve interacted with along the way. It’s rare that people actually stop and ask “do I really care about what someone does for a living? And does that actually tell me much about them as a person?”.
When you’re meeting women, they seldom care about your job, where you’re from, what you studied. That’s not to say that these things aren’t important, but on face value they really don’t mean anything.
The actual meaning comes from the why. Ok, so you’re an engineer, but why? Did you follow that career path because you thought it would make your parents happy? Because you thought the money would be good? Or you just like trigonometry?
A common trap guys can fall into when they start approaching is thinking that by the simple fact that they are approaching a woman, they’re communicating everything she needs to know about who he is as a man. That he’s confident. That he knows what he wants. That he’s a risk taker. All attractive qualities, and sure, impressive in the moment, but not enough to get most women on a date with you.
Even if you’re still hopeless at approaching (in which case you should sign up for our 3-week beginner’s course, the Dating Accelerator you’re still going to come across a woman at some point and need to find a way to introduce who you are as a person.
The problem is that you still need to make a first impression, and if you don’t know how to do that, you’re going to automatically fall back on your bad habits, which likely include asking too many generic questions, not engaging the answers with curiosity, and failing to talk about yourself.
So what’s the remedy?
Perfect Practice Makes Perfect
The good news is that this is something you can practice. Remember that you don’t have to have an impressive resume to talk about yourself. You don’t need to have a high paying job or a fascinating lifestyle of travel and adventure to spark curiosity.
Here’s three things you should keep in mind that you can slip into the conversation.
- Something you’re really good at. This isn’t about impressing her, but taking pride in yourself. Maybe you’ve worked really hard at martial arts over the years, or you love programming, or you can balance an orange on your head.
- Something you like. Again, it’s not about trying to ‘game’ her by figuring out what she WANTS to hear, but what you genuinely like. Collecting goldfish. Experimental 90’s punk/folk music. Stargazing.
- Something you suck at. Don’t play out the cliche job interview answer of reversing this by saying “my biggest flaw is caring too much about people”. No no no. Be honest. This is about showing you’re human. I’m terrible at getting up when my alarm goes off. I can’t cook to save myself. My apartment is a mess most of the time.
Write these down somewhere. You don’t need to treat them as a ‘line’ that has to be inserted into EVERY interaction with a woman, but they are there in those moments when you need to share something about yourself with her.
Speaking of practice, you’re going to need a lot of it if you’re going to get really good at seduction. But as I’ve always said, the adage that ‘practice makes perfect’ is slightly wrong. It should be ‘perfect practice makes perfect’, which means, knowing how to practice is just as important as practicing.
If you’re really keen on learning what that looks like, I’ve put together a course that describes exactly what you should be doing as a beginner to make sure you are actually improving at seduction and not just running around in circles getting nowhere. You can learn all about the Dating Accelerator, including a course breakdown that describes exactly what you’ll be learning, by clicking here.