Next level Lover Secrets (Video)

So when it comes to navigating the sensual oceans that exist between lovers, where do we start?

Recognise where you’re at and start from there.

We all exist on some spectrum of skill and experience in being great lovers, and we all have potentials, strengths and weaknesses in different areas. The good news is that we can always learn to be better lovers. Like learning to cook or exercise it’s a life skill that will benefit you no matter who you are.

There are few investments in life that give us (and our lucky lovers) the returns that becoming a good lover will. The hard part of the process is recognizing that it takes time to get good at anything. It has been said in studies of mastery that it takes at least 10,000 hrs of experience to be really good at what you do. What this means is that you have some work to do practicing giving and receiving pleasure. The good news is that will some direction and support you can be very good in a short amount of time. SO what are some good starting points?

Work with both Sex and Sensuality:

Within the realms of intimate exchange there is a spectrum of sex and sensuality. Sex is often seen at the friction of genital contact. This is the more physical part of the spectrum whereas sensuality is more to do with exploring the senses and the potentials within them. Sensuality although also physical is about setting up a more subtle energetic feeling experience and psychological framework for experiencing love making and intimacy. Touch, sight, smell, sound, taste and mind are all senses that can be sensually explored and developed. A good lover will have the capacity to create very sensual as well as sexual experiences.
This is where things like knowledge of the body, massage and sexual psychology are very useful.

Get back in your body

A lot of people are so disconnected from their sensuality and sense of connection to their bodies. The concept of exploring a deeper level of sexuality can be a foreign and unexplored terrain. Especially if the ideas of being in the body, feeling and experiencing touch in a more subtle way, seem out of the norm or unknown.

It’s ok if you feel like this, it just means that you have some development and experience to go through.

For many lovers, embodiment is shallow and clunky. With little skill and experience in sensual embodiment, sex often becomes a rigorous, disconnected, friction based act. More aimed to get to the goal of coming hard and fast than appreciating and exploring the joy of making love, being sensual and deepening the range and kinds of pleasure possible between you and your lover.

Sadly this friction based sex alone often leaves us feeling dissatisfied, spent and empty like we have just eaten junk food. Some partners (especially women) are sexually blocked and unfortunately find sex to be a numbing experience. These people often see sex as something that is to be put up with in order to gain other favors like companionship, validation, comfort, security etc.

Ideally we want to be neither sex junkies (needing high intensity sensory overwhelm to be satisfied) or numb to the sexual experience (apathetic to or disconnected from our sex lives). As with most things in life this is about finding a balance and exploring that sweet spot that is the middle ground between sex and sensuality, friction and focus of mind.